Monday, June 29, 2009

Meena can go to Well

I really think I’m going to stay here only one more year.

Then again, you never know what can happen. I could get married and have a truckload of babies and never come back home. But I have been teaching from this book called ‘NEW HORIZON’ which is what most of the Junior High schools use in Japan and now, I have just come full circle and I’m pretty sick of it. The first lessons I gave when I arrived were about a girl named Meena, she’s from Nepal. Because of the money from her foster program, they built a second well in her village and all that crap. It’s exactly the kind of stuff that they want to hear over here. Some people just want to be told how awful it is elsewhere to make sure that they never move from their comfortable little lives. Well last week, I started telling Meena’s story again and teaching infinitives.

I must have said the sentence : ‘Thanks to your help, our village has another well’ 150 times since last August. I surprise myself daydreaming about Meena falling to a painful death after an unfortunate ‘accident’ in her Nepalese village. It would spice things up. Make my life more interesting. The target sentence now is: 'We are glad to have a chance' Well it could now be: 'We are sad to see that Meena is at the bottom of the well'
The kids would love it. They don’t even understand 75% of what we say anyways. Who are these clowns that wrote this textbook? I should be one of them, even if I have a clown phobia. Here is what I would do:
Unit 1: Let’s learn Braille
My idea: Let’s go to the peep show
Unit 3: Our sister in Nepal
My idea: The Nepalese accident
Unit 6: Family rules
My idea: My first hangover, or how I lost my virginity in a campground at 12.

I’m telling you, It’s GOLD. or maybe I just need a vacation! Well Hot Damn I'll be in Montreal in a month and 3 days!

Monday, June 22, 2009

Health check

I’ve heard many horror stories about city employee health tests and Daniel and I, we were kind of not happy to receive the news that we had to go get tested on June 22nd. Stories about impatient doctors with quick fingers and undressing with uncomfortable co-workers were plenty, so I would have liked to pass. But, being Daniel’s mentor (haha bitch!) I had to show the young one that it was indeed going to be all right, even if was pretty sure I’d get anal probed real quick! Well it was a really pleasant morning in fact. Got to confirm that I have good hearing and perfect vision (Take that heredity!) and my pee seemed to have a nice Ph. My pressure is good and I can still run with the best of them. I was smiling and happy. But when I got to the scale I went Oh-Oh… My 79.3 kilos on my 170.8 cm frame give me a 27.1 Body Mass Index. It’s not bad but I do fall in the ‘Overweight’ category. (On a side note, how bad is this BMI thing, who’s the idiot who invented that?)

The doctor assessing my results was talking to me about tattoos and all before he broke it to me. He scanned his head to find the best possible English to tell me the straight facts: ‘You… are a little fat’. Well what do you expect? You guys feed me rice and bread like there is no tomorrow. You take me out drinking all the time. You force feed me all this stuff and I try to sweat it out by biking every day, rain snow sleet tsunami doesn’t stop me. ‘A little fat?!?!’ Pff. We all gained weight here but I’m seriously out of solutions. A west coast cleansing diet maybe. What’s that you say? Stop eating bread? NEVER! Try telling Amy Winehouse to stop smoking crack! I’ll go on a salad diet maybe. I’m open to suggestions. My friends back home can call me Doughboy, it’s ok. My students telling me I’m ‘chotto metabolic’, it can fly. But this was the last time a Japanese doctor would tap me on the back before telling me I’m a little fat. I’ll start throwing up if I have to!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009


Mai 2009, 9:45 am.

Moi et Ben, à la station Akebonobashi, une station mineure parmi les 168 stations de métro de Tokyo. (N’oubliez pas que par-dessus tout ca se trouve 141 stations de train)

Ben – J’ai faim, on va manger où?
PY – Shinjuku? Shibuya?
B - Shibuya, ça me tente…
PY – Man… tu vois le black là bas, je pense que je le connais. Parle moi comme un vrai québécois en passant à côté de lui.
B - T'es malade man, pourquoi tu penses ça? C'est pas parce que tu viens de Montréal-Nord que tu connais tous les noirs P-Y
PY - Je te le dis maaaan, just do it.
B – (à la Elvis Gratton) Ok, Faque les breaks ont pété sur mon char avant que je parte, ça m’a coûté une beurrée…

C’est à ce moment que nos regards se sont croisés… ‘P-Y?!?!

Ooooh oui mes amis, le monde est petit, on est à Tokyo, une ville de 12 millions de personnes, et je croise un mec qui habitait en bas de mon ex-blonde : Myrrha. Faut le faire.

En plus, j’ai vu mon amie Isobel 3 fois en deux jours, par hasard! Une dernière : lorsque nous étions au camping dans le sud du Japon, une fille m’accoste en me disant que je lui semble famillier… Nous étions dans le même avion qui nous a emmenés au Japon.

De deux choses l’une :
1 - Je suis vraiment beau et populaire, et tout le monde accourt me voir n’importe où sur la planète.
2- Le monde est vraiment VRAIMENT petit…

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