Pymp My Ride

*First of all, I would like to apologize for my long absence, an unfortunate incident involving a pack of rabid pandas made me have a creative brain cramp. So yeah, sowwwwy!*

In an unprecedented turn of events, I went from having 3 bicycles to no bicycle at all in a two week period. Seeing that it’s my only way to go from Point A (usually my house) to Point B (usually my job or a place that sells alcohol) this situation was a bit troublesome. Let’s see what happened:

Bike number 1 was a mountain bike. My love. My precious. In fact, we did an estimated 3000 KMs together through bamboo forests, rice fields and snow… he almost never let me down. Well… problems started not so long ago when Bike number 1’s pedals were going crazy and it led to a total breakdown last week. I’m not gonna go into detail here but it almost killed me. Now it’s probably being recycled into a robot. A robot like this I hope: (Watch this!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ag-29NaVA0o) Fuck you Bike number 1.

Bike number 2 was a bike I ‘found’ at the train station after my station (Iwanuma-YEAH) because I (once again) fell asleep on the last train. Seeing that it was one of those community bicycles and that it was safer then bike number 1, I decided to keep it. It was a Japanese bike, complete with basket and a full set of 1 speed. It was a very feminine purple and on my first day riding it to work, the whole baseball team laughed at me, which made me question my manhood. Nonetheless, I felt some kind of attachment to bike number 2. Well last weekend, I was paid to encourage kids to play sports. I went to the basketball gym for an hour an when I came out, all the bicycles were silver. I played ‘where’s Waldo’ for 10 minutes before coming to the conclusion that someone had stolen my unlocked ‘community bicycle’. Now I guess I know what karma is but knowing someone sober would steal such a piece of crap really makes me wonder about the direction this country is going in. The worst part was walking back to school and telling my principal my bike was robbed and then, having to give a description of a bicycle that was not mine (Hmm officer, it was… orange, no basket and a unicorn sticker on the frame!). Anyways, fuck you Bike number 2.

Now Bike number 3 is my own Japanese style bicycle, it has been rusting under my stairs for more than 7 years, unlocked and motionless. It comes with a basket, 2 completely flat tires and rust on pretty much every vital part of the bike. No need to say it was a dangerous thing so I decided to tell my supervisor about my whole ordeal. I basically said: ‘Yo dogg, can you pimp my non-existant bicycle so I can get to work’? He told me that it was too bad. ‘I hope things will get better soon’ were his exact translated words. Thaaaaanksss….. But I guess they realized that without a bicycle, I’m a bit useless because they brought me a new Japanese style bike the next day.

I wish there was something to learn from this flabbergasting ordeal, so I will leave you with these words of wisdom: Bicycles come and go, but love from a panda, lasts forever. Thank you