Crouching Beaver, Hidden Bonsai

Pymp My Ride

2010-06-22T21:00:00.004+09:00

*First of all, I would like to apologize for my long absence, an unfortunate incident involving a pack of rabid pandas made me have a creative brain cramp. So yeah, sowwwwy!*

In an unprecedented turn of events, I went from having 3 bicycles to no bicycle at all in a two week period. Seeing that it’s my only way to go from Point A (usually my house) to Point B (usually my job or a place that sells alcohol) this situation was a bit troublesome. Let’s see what happened:

Bike number 1 was a mountain bike. My love. My precious. In fact, we did an estimated 3000 KMs together through bamboo forests, rice fields and snow… he almost never let me down. Well… problems started not so long ago when Bike number 1’s pedals were going crazy and it led to a total breakdown last week. I’m not gonna go into detail here but it almost killed me. Now it’s probably being recycled into a robot. A robot like this I hope: (Watch this!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ag-29NaVA0o) Fuck you Bike number 1.

Bike number 2 was a bike I ‘found’ at the train station after my station (Iwanuma-YEAH) because I (once again) fell asleep on the last train. Seeing that it was one of those community bicycles and that it was safer then bike number 1, I decided to keep it. It was a Japanese bike, complete with basket and a full set of 1 speed. It was a very feminine purple and on my first day riding it to work, the whole baseball team laughed at me, which made me question my manhood. Nonetheless, I felt some kind of attachment to bike number 2. Well last weekend, I was paid to encourage kids to play sports. I went to the basketball gym for an hour an when I came out, all the bicycles were silver. I played ‘where’s Waldo’ for 10 minutes before coming to the conclusion that someone had stolen my unlocked ‘community bicycle’. Now I guess I know what karma is but knowing someone sober would steal such a piece of crap really makes me wonder about the direction this country is going in. The worst part was walking back to school and telling my principal my bike was robbed and then, having to give a description of a bicycle that was not mine (Hmm officer, it was… orange, no basket and a unicorn sticker on the frame!). Anyways, fuck you Bike number 2.

Now Bike number 3 is my own Japanese style bicycle, it has been rusting under my stairs for more than 7 years, unlocked and motionless. It comes with a basket, 2 completely flat tires and rust on pretty much every vital part of the bike. No need to say it was a dangerous thing so I decided to tell my supervisor about my whole ordeal. I basically said: ‘Yo dogg, can you pimp my non-existant bicycle so I can get to work’? He told me that it was too bad. ‘I hope things will get better soon’ were his exact translated words. Thaaaaanksss….. But I guess they realized that without a bicycle, I’m a bit useless because they brought me a new Japanese style bike the next day.

I wish there was something to learn from this flabbergasting ordeal, so I will leave you with these words of wisdom: Bicycles come and go, but love from a panda, lasts forever. Thank you

Inside look on : The Sendai drinking club

2010-03-12T13:02:00.001+09:00

Today, in the first segment of the INSIDE LOOK series, a fearless reporter goes behind the scenes of one of the most secret and underground institutions in Sendai. Let’s see where it takes us:

SENDAI - (AP) Let me give you an inside look into the Sendai drinking club. A very exclusive club that was formed by 3 men who like drinking alcohol, 2 legendary South-Africans and a simple man that grew up on the mean streets of Montreal-North. Before the drinking club was founded a little more than a year ago, Sendai, aka the city of trees, was home to: a book club, a dying soccer club, a cricket club, a knitting club, a poker club and maybe even a freaking spoken word club. A random visitor of Sendai might have been tempted to call Sendai: the city of boredom. That was until the 3 alcoholics found themselves on a boat at the same time and discovered that they have a common passion: getting completely crunk.

Quickly, the rules were laid out and the drinking began. Every Thursday, the members would meet and engage in a 2 hour nomihodai (all you can drink) and consume as much alcohol as it is possible in that short period of time. Needless to say, a member who would happen to fall behind and drink slower than the others would get his manhood questioned and would eventually be considered unworthy to be a part of such a beautiful gathering of drinking aficionados.
The choice of Thursday seemed natural, as it is a way to start the week-end early. The members say that the lack of productivity on Friday is never questioned by their Japanese co-workers as Japanese people seem to have many other things to do before they worry about the productivity of foreign teachers of English.

In addition to the ‘drink as fast as the others or you’re a moffie rule’, there are 3 other rules:

1- Every member is allowed 1 week off… in the year.
2- Every member can call an automatic nomihodai anytime, as long as it is announced 24hrs before
3- You must be annoying, disrespectful, ungrateful, irritable and basically a despicable prick

The club now has 4 regular members, as an Australian was added to the mix. When listening to the member’s conversations, one can really see that this club is made of refined, educated and classy gentlemen from very different countries and backgrounds. The night where we were granted permission to observe the group, the topics of conversation mostly fell under one of the following:
- Sports
- Legal age of consent
- Different sexual acts that may or may not involve transsexuals
- The sexual orientation of the French-Canadian member, who is apparently known for wearing V-necks

There is also a semi-regular Japanese member, who comes when he isn’t busy cutting the hair of Sendai’s rich and famous. The Sendai drinking club also had some guest stars here and there. An Aussie, a Canadian, a couple women, but it became quite clear that this club will remain what it is and what it always has been: an exclusive, highly secret club revolving around the 4 guys who can maintain a level of drinking never heard of in the Tohoku region. Their pursuit of excellence in the field of drinking is comparable to the domination that the legendary Tiger Woods held onto his sport before word came out that he was a freaking pervert. These men, considered by many as men amongst men, have graduated Magna Cum Laude from the Suntory University and are part of what must be, the best ALT club that exists in Japan.

A.Nonymous.

Tranche de vie, slice of life

2010-02-17T19:10:00.000+09:00

Monday I had the day off. I had lots of stuff to do you know, had a productive day (aka watched the Olympics and had 4 breakfasts). After watching the guy who won the first Canadian medal on home soil (also known as the guy who studied at my High School, Collège Jean-Eudes REPREZZZENT) I went to the post office to send a package to a foreign country which has to remain secret for many reasons. I forgot to mention it wasn’t a ‘domestic’ package. So the girl weighed the package and charged me 640 yens, which sounded reasonable for an overseas package. I left and scratched that off of my LONG list of ‘to do’ things (2 things: 1- Go to post office 2- Buy yoghurt) and pressed on. At night, I’m eating the yoghurt (Achievement unlocked, 2 out of 2, I’m a grown man now) and the door bell rings. You see, now whenever this happens, I face a dilemma:

Option 1: Open the door and be confronted by:
A)a person who will feel awkward because here is a white man in his boxers and with whiskey in hand in a random suburb of Japan so he will say sorry and leave quickly
B)a person trying to tell me very politely that I must pay some bill I’ve never heard about
C)a freaking Jehova’s witness (These people are everywhere, don’t try to run away, it’s useless)
D)a friend needing shelter because he is too drunk

Option 2 (aka what I do 75% of the time): Shut the lights, the music and play dead and leave the door shut

It must have been the whiskey, I felt strong and confident and opened the door. To my surprise, I see the girl from the post office and her supervisor, they look like something terrible happened, you know the look of the kid who just smashed his dad’s car… They start bowing super low and I know something weird went down and then they explain that they didn’t charge me the price of a ‘Par Avion’ package and I didn’t fill out the customs paper. Here is the rest of the conversation (translated from my crap Japanese to a nice gangsta English):

Me: ‘Damn, I’m sorry, let me fill it right now, come in guys’
Supervisor: ‘No it’s ok, we’ll freeze our asses off outside’ (didn’t wanna get contaminated by the gaijin floor I guess)
Me: ‘Aiiight here is the customs paper. I’m really sorry again, you could have called me, I would have went back’
Girl: ‘It’s my fault’
Supervisor: ‘Here is an envelope containing money for the trouble’
(At that point I’m already puzzled but… wait for it…)
Girl: ‘Here is a kitchen set to let you know that we are sorry for the inconvenience’
Me: ‘…… (sound of me being speechless) Well thanks guys, I mean, this is too much…. Sorry, I mean thanks, sorry, sorry, thanks’
Then the dude closed the door and I just stood there with the kitchen set and the envelope containing 2000 yens (!!!). This, to me, represents everything that is beautiful about this country. And at the same time a bit weird. Beautiful, but weird: Japanese culture.
Now I wonder what they would have done if the girl lost the package, maybe the supervisor would have given me the kitchen set AND the girl?! Wow, now that’s a thought, she was quite cute. Anybody need anything???

Man vs. Cold

2010-01-14T22:23:00.000+09:00

So I’ve been back in Japan for more than a week now, after two weeks in paradise. (wait let me check the definition of Paradise in the P-Y dictionary… Paradise: land of perfection where you can eat cheap lobsters and prawns and steaks and drink like a madman for a fraction of what you would pay in another land. Additional perks include: 1- Girls walking around in bikinis and sporting actual breasts 2- Perfect weather and absence of rain for the whole duration of the trip 3- Six hour long happy hours 4- Cheap medication 5- Friendly people with nice teeth)
Yep! That’s the word. I’m back after two weeks in paradise. It was always warm and nice. Upon my return, my body didn’t get too long of an adaptation, it’s still between 5 and 9 degrees when I wake up in the morning. After heating for an hour or so, it’s usually 12 degrees but as soon as the heater stops, I lose a degree every 15 minutes.

Falling asleep in this kind of situation is an art, just like juggling. I start the electric bar heater in my bedroom and shut the door while I use the computer in the other room that is being heated by the kerosene heater. I boil water and shove a hot water bottle (shaped like a panda) in my bed sheets to warm up the bed. I return to the kerosene room to make sure the kerosene numbs my brain. I drink a tall whiskey-water to numb the rest of my body and then I shut the lights, brush my teeth and run to the bedroom. Now, the bedroom is warm but the electric bar heater makes the air super-dry. So I down a bottle of water, shut the heater and jump into bed. I basically make love to the hot-water bottle that is shaped like a panda and fall asleep pretty fast helped by the perfect balance of cold-hot-dry-moist. Voilà! That’s how you fall asleep in extreme situations.

Ok so... I always wake up crying two hours later, cursing this country and the bad insulation and lack of central heating but you know, at least I sleep well for two hours. I know it’s a free apartment and a secure job, but there is no way in hell I’m going to live through this one more year. So long Japan, next stop : ____________ .

How do you say Merry Christmas in afrikaans?

2009-12-21T15:54:00.002+09:00

My two best friends this year are South African. It’s a bit of a cultural clash. A lot of things get lost in translation but we have also a lot in common. It’s funny how two dudes from South Africa can remind me a lot of my friends back in Quebec. When they talk cricket, I imagine a bunch of Pakistani dudes playing hockey. But I can actually kind of understand the whole sport now. Because it is an actual sport. We are not talking about Ultimate Frisbee or bowling here. Cricket is serious shit. But yeah, the passion they exude for their sport is the same as a Habs fan that bleeds bleu-blanc-rouge. But yeah, at first, I didn’t understand a word they were saying. ‘Hey Bru, kak lekker whatever Raah Rahh Rah Rah’ I just nodded and asked for precisions when they were done screaming to each other.

When we came to Japan, we were told this was also for internationalization. Well I’m internationalized now. And for the sake of cultural exchange, we decided to create a club to celebrate our one true love, drinking. Every Thursday we drink and change the world, we talk about how to save the planet and discuss poetry and Renaissance music…. (well at least that’s what I remember on Friday morning). I’m going to Vietnam and Laos with these two clowns for Christmas. As offensive and annoying as they can be, these dudes are really good people. When I go back to Montreal next year, I’ll surely be looking for some guys who have as much drive and determination (for drinking) and hope that my friends will still have what it takes (to tell me how metro I am with my V-necks). If they don’t, I might wanna climb in there (on a plane) and go back to my life of nomihodais and Genie.

(To get a sample of the South African accent, click on : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLPSo86NZDI&feature=related )

MERRY CHRISTMAS!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
P

Liberté

2009-12-03T21:58:00.001+09:00

When we got here they asked us to teach American English, which pissed me off a bit. I mean, colour, favourite, centre, right? Well, always being the model employee that I am, I obliged and kept my mouth shut (except for the times where I wanted to talk, eat, drink and you know, breathe and stuff). Whatever, today I get to elementary school and I have to teach English words that the Japanese use in everyday life but massacre. In Japan, a radio is a ra-jio. A TV is a terebi. A lemon is a remon. And salad is saladaa. So yeah, I’m going through the flash cards and then I get to ‘Parfait’... as in parfait the dessert. Well I first said ‘par-fay’ like a dumb American trying to speak French. The next flash card was ‘Gratin’. So I said gratin like an American tourist walking around Paris and acting fancy (with ‘tin’ pronounced like in ‘tin foil’). And then I realized what I was doing. I was denying my roots, yo! Parfait and gratin are French and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna teach them the wrong thing to say. So I came back to those two French flash cards and I said: ‘Look, when you say parfait and gratin, you actually say it better than the Americans, so please, never ever ever change that’. And then I made the flash cards into giant paper planes and threw them out the window. It was a beautiful moment. I felt very liberated, like a girl taking off her bra (Not that I would know how that feels because… you know, I would never wear a bra… except on half moon, Tuesdays and the 2nd and 3rd Mondays of every month).

Night Vision

2009-11-10T21:15:00.001+09:00

Fall is a great season. In Quebec, as well as in Japan, you can witness a real spectacle when the trees start turning into 3D works of art. Red, yellow, brown, green… The sound of dead leaves crushed by the sole of your shoes is like music to my ears… The cold nights where you can enjoy the warmth of your bed with the window open. Watching hockey with your friends. Unfortunately, the fall also has its down sides. In Quebec, you can witness the people getting ready for winter. As soon as Halloween is finished, you can see Santas and Rudolphs on many lawns of the south shore. But the most annoying thing is the shortness of the day. The suicide rate hikes up in these dark months and I can understand why. It’s depressing to come home from school or work under the street lights. You sometimes start contemplating which street light you should pick to install your rope and hang yourself (don’t worry I’m not gonna hang myself people). Unfortunately, my school (well it’s actually 100% of the schools) is too poor to get lights so I could fully enjoy my second job: soccer coach. Japan doesn’t believe in changing the time twice a year. So it’s dark at 4:45 (That’s today, December should be closer to 4). You would think that they would stop playing soccer but no. I play soccer in the dark.

I’ve been in hostile conditions in my 20 year soccer career. I’ve played soccer in PEI with winds strong enough to make a baby fly. I’ve played in snow in Québec city. I’ve played in hail, during floods. I’ve played in front of hostile crowds waiting for me off the field. But seriously, playing in the dark is the dumbest thing. For an hour I chase an orange ball that ceases to exist as soon as it’s 10 meters away from me. Then it reappears and I start running around with it and then it disappears again. I was sure my night vision was getting better and better everyday… until today. I just got hit by that stupid orange ball right in the nose and got my first nosebleed in… forever. So I came back to my desk and Ms. Nakamura laughed at me and I told her that the first thing I will buy when I win a million dollars is lights for the soccer field. Clever as she is (she’s a clever one) she asked me: 'But Pierru, what will you do if you don’t win a million dollars?' (I told you she was clever)
So I told her… (In a performance that would have won a world championship of Guess-tures) 'I’ll just buy one light and hang myself from it'
She almost choked on her coffee... always have the last word people. It’s the first rule of life.

The Japanese Lions

2009-10-20T09:46:00.002+09:00

The lions of Japan don’t rule over the savanna as they usually do where they normally live. The lions of Japan rule the street. They walk around, dressed in black, wearing shoes 5 sizes too big, and they hunt for prey. Like most of us single males, they hunt for women. Their biggest weapons are the cans and cans of spray net that they put in their hair, and their questionable fashion sense. I’m not a lion, I had hair that made me look like a lion at some point, but I have other weapons then cans of spray net. On the street, I’m a nobler animal… I would say I’m something like a drunken leopard. A panther wearing a v-neck. A really classy hyena.
Like many animals looking for easy prey, The Japanese lion walks around in a pack. Two or three lions walking around the nightlife district, using their radars to spot wounded, (really) short skirt wearing Japanese chicks. When he finds such a thing, the lion then separates from the pack and starts following the girl around with, (most of the time) little to no success.

Let’s not kid ourselves, the Japanese lion exists because of the success it has had sometimes. If some dumb girls want to date a really awkward looking dude, whose hair could maybe hurt her in intimate situations, it’s her problem. But it really makes you wonder: who the hell decided such a hairstyle was acceptable, and also, should we be afraid that people like this might appear on the streets of Europe and America someday???

Be afraid of the Japanese lion, be very afraid… Wouldn’t you want to punch one in the face today?

Maturity

2009-10-01T22:19:00.003+09:00

version 1 AKA : The Conscience conversation

When I got home last summer, some people told me I was more mature. It felt quite good to be lauded as a person of great maturity, for the first time in my life. I felt like a respectable individual, you know, the type of guy you could lend your car to and not worry that I might send it to the bottom of a lake (If that type of guy had a driver’s license, which I don’t!!!). So what happened?? I guess that when I turned to the glorious age of 2_ last year, I might have just gone over the ‘maximum age to get mature’ point. I guess I had a conversation like this with my brain:

(Brain): ‘Alright big boy, you are now 2_ in physical years and 15 mentally, maybe it would be time to grow up and become mature eh? What do you say we start acting like grown men?’
(Me): ‘Fuck No dude!!!! 14 ‘til I die!!!! Woo Hoo! Where’s my beer? Yeah! You can’t spell Party without P-Y!!!’
(Brain): ‘Listen up you little hoodlum, you’ve been making me insane with all your partying… You do realize that you have been a bit of a partyboy for almost half your life now? Do you know what the life expectancy is for people with your lifestyle???’
(Me): ‘Life expectanWHAT?... Brain-dude, are you making up words again???’
(Brain): ‘Life ex-pec-tan-cy… If you keep this up, you won’t make it passed 35. Race car drivers have a better chance to see a Montreal team win a Stanley Cup than you do… Is that what you want?’
(Me, realizing the fatality of the Brain’s last statement): ‘Woah, I guess you’re right. Maybe I have been going a little overboard. Where should I start?’
(Brain): ‘Well for starters, you could start wearing your pants like a normal person, everyone can see your ass!!’
(Me, complying): ‘Alright DONE. I feel like a new man! Where is the closest museum so I can go look at paintings and pretend to see the true meaning of it, you know, like a grown-up, boring person?’
(Brain): ‘Shut up and have one more beer’

Version 2 AKA The actual story behind my new-found maturity

During my vacation in Montreal, some people told me I looked more mature. For the first time in my life, I felt some pride about being a mature guy. I felt like a respectable individual, you know, the type of guy you could lend your truck to and not worry that I might use it to go pick up a prostitute on Ontario street (If that type of guy had a driver’s license, which I don’t!!!). So what happened??
Well yeah, some people told me I ‘looked’ more mature…
I guess these people have never heard about JETLAG!

Woooo Hooooo!!!! 14 ‘til I die!!! You can’t spell PARTY without PY!

Later, I’m off to my weekly Thursday night all you can drink party!

Under the bridge

2009-09-18T13:01:00.005+09:00

I didn’t want to tell you this because it probably is a low point of my life but here it goes…

The week after I came back fom Canada, I went out with some people and we went to 2 or 3 bars in Sendai. We were quite the group and I’m usually never the last one to leave because I have to take the stupid last train. But that night, everyone left before me, a good 90 minutes before the last train. So I stayed at the standing bar. There was a good crowd, some ghetto ass folk I never met before so I said ‘Fuck It’ I’m staying’. Ernie, the owner of a bar in Sendai (Aptly named Ernie’s bar) was doing a good job of convincing me to miss the last train and continue partying. But, as I do 90% of the time, I came to my senses and decided to run and catch the last train.

I got a seat on that train, which is quite the feat, because it’s usually full. 5 stations to my station, 18 minutes. I tried reading my book, but I was quite drunk and I always hated reading on moving things (Ok, I was drunk). So I closed my eyes and fell asleep. I woke up a minute later and decided to put an alarm on my phone in case I fell asleep again. Closed my eyes only to we woken up by a train driver in an empty train at the end of the line. This being the last train, I quickly realized that I was in trouble. I was in a town called Shiroishi, often called Shiroshitty. It would cost me a good 150$ and up to go home by taxi. So I did the only thing a person like me can do when they get stuck in a situation like this: I stole a bike. It took me a long time but I finally found a bike that was unlocked. I rode around and discovered the darkest corners of Shiroishi, testing this new bike to see if it could survive the long ride home (about 2 hours, on a good bike). When I realized that this bike wasn’t locked for a good reason (It was as shitty as Shiroshitty), I decided I would shift my priorities. I had to spend the night somewhere horizontal. I looked for a love hotel: None. Not even a bench. Not even a park. So when I crossed the bridge I came to the conclusion that for a GHETTO event, I might as well sleep like a ghetto boy: Under the bridge.

I slept on the sidewalk, under the bridge. For an hour. Then I laughed for an hour, thinking my mom would be proud. Then I rode the shitty bike for an hour. Then I spent 40 minutes in a convenience store because it was cold outside. And then it was time for the first train. The moral of this story?
A moral? What do I look like? Hans-Christian Andersen? Just don’t fall asleep on the train like an idiot.

Yours truly, the village idiot

ps: I returned the bike… but in a different place. Beware. You never know where Montreal-North ghetto boys might be walking.

TY-POON

2009-09-04T08:23:00.002+09:00

It is in my nature to be interested by freak natural phenomenon. Probably because of my university background and the interest I’ve always had for anything remotely resembling a natural disaster. I remember freaking my friends out when I told them I couldn’t wait for my first earthquake. Just when they thought I couldn’t be stranger, I go and tell them I would enjoy having survive to a ‘Big One’. One where I could help with the rescue of my poor neighbors trapped under the rubble. And then they would give me the keys to the city, and then I would go on the Today show and marry Carmen Electra. You know what I’m talking about, right?

Anyways, we are indeed in typhoon season now and the typhoon number 11 (Goldorak or Morrdakk or some stupid name) promised to be a big one. The TV people kept talking about it, my teachers were talking about it. I started to get pretty excited!

‘Man, a typhoon! And they say it will come in around Sendai… And I live near the coast! Yes!!!’

My excitement only got better when I got an e-mail from the Canadian embassy telling me to be careful, to stay away from coastlines and to expect pouring rain and high winds and to watch out for landslides… YEAH! Kickass, a landslide! I wasn’t asking for so much!

It started raining at like 2 pm. When I left school at 5, they told me to be careful and that they might call me if the typhoon makes too much damage and that I might have to come in later than usual.

‘My oh my!! This all sounds like a great time… I can’t wait!’

So I told my friends I’d be on my balcony looking at the spectacle, waiting for the disaster to happen! Well at 10 pm I got bored, it was just steady raining since the afternoon. I went to bed and woke up at every hour, on the hour to maybe witness the end of the world. At 2 am, it wasn’t even raining no more. What a load of bullshit. Woke up at 6, everything was… normal. I went to school under the sun and asked my teacher (Mr. Shoji):

‘Hey, what the hell happened with that typhoon?’

His answer:

‘It went away’

AWAY???!!! What the fuck man? It’s not a stray cat. It’s not a cold sore. It doesn’t just GO AWAY!

‘It flew away’, he repeated.

Well I’ll be damned, I guess that in Japan, a typhoon is just a weird bird or something. After the FIASCO that was the solar eclipse, I get screwed over with a typhoon now. Bring on the earthquakes, because last time I checked, I still wasn’t married to Carmen Electra.

Montréaaaaaaal

2009-08-27T22:32:00.001+09:00

Mes vacances à Montréal n’étaient pas relaxantes mais elles étaient si agréables. Il y a des gens que j’aurais aimé voir que je n’ai pas vu (Joëlle, Maria-Elisa, mes tantes, oncles et cousins) mais je reviens dans 11 mois.

La prochaine fois, ce sera moins une ‘course contre la montre’. Il y a aussi beaucoup de gens que j’aurais aimé voir davantage mais j’espère qu’ils comprennent que je ne suis pas un super-héros.
Donc après les très populaires statistiques lors de mes vacances avec Ben, voici mes …

STATISTIQUES DE MON PÉRIPLE MONTRÉALAIS :

Animaux tués pour me nourrir: 30 et plus (Merci special au Pied de cochon)
Nombre de rondes de golf jouées (et gagnées): 3 (C’est pas grave Ben)
heures de sommeil en moyenne: 5
Nombre de fausses boules pongnées aux danseuses : 13 (J’ai amené ma bière à l’isoloir pour la dernière)
Argent donné à l’osti de dentiste: 775$
Argent perdu au casino: 80$ (C’aurait pu être pire)
Bixis empruntés: 4
Jours de pluie: 1
P’tits P’tits P’tits spectacles : Eh Boy… Who knows?
Nombre de fois où j’ai dit à ma nièce que c’est la plus jolie : au moins 80
Pourcentage du staff féminin qui à de fausses boules au Boston Pizza de Mascouche : 100% (Je recommande)
Nombre de fois où j’ai entendu ‘Pis le Japon?’ : Au moins 60
Nombre de Bud Light Lime consommées : 3
Nombre de Bud Light Lime que je vais avoir dans le reste de ma vie : 0 (déguelasse)
Argent dépensé : Beaucoup trop
Note générale sur 10 : 18
Merci, ce fut parfait
One LOVE
P

___________________________________________________________________

My vacation in Canada was nothing relaxing but it was a great time. There are some people I would have liked to see that I didn’t see but I’ll be back soon enough to see them.

Also, there are some people I would have liked to see more but 16 days was a short time. I hope all of them understand that I love them and that I’m not a superhero.
So after my Golden week vacation stats, I give you my

CANADIAN VACATION STATS:

Number of animals killed to feed me: over 30
Number of rounds of golf, and number of rounds won: 3-3
Average hours of sleep: 5
Number of strippers touched: Secret
Money spent at the (FUCKING) dentist: 775$
Money lost at casino: 80$
Poker games: only 2
Bixis ridden: 4
Rainy days: 1
Times telling my niece she is the cutest thing ever: at least 80
Times I’ve unintentionally pissed of my best friend Maryann: 3
Number of girls that have fake boobs at the Mascouche Boston Pizza: ALL OF THEM (I recommend)
Number of times I was asked 'So how is Japan?' : at least 60
Number of Bud Light Lime I’ve had: 3
Number of Bud Light Lime I’ll have after this: 0 (its seriously bad)
Money spent: Waaaay too much
Overall feeling: BEST. VACATION. EVER.

Thank you all, it was Perfect!!!

This VIDEO

2009-08-01T21:13:00.004+09:00

... is a video of me making a good bye speech in Japanese. I had to say good-bye to this school even if I love this school a lot more now. I wish I could have stayed...
It's a pretty cool video.

I am going home for 2 weeks so to those who read this shit... I'll either see you in 3D soon or I'll see you when I get back
1 Love
P-Y

CLICK HERE

Rilakkuma

2009-07-17T00:29:00.003+09:00

Dans un pays come le Japon, axé sur le travail et la performance, il est normal de voir certains phénomènes crées pour compenser le stress que vivent ces gens qui travaillent des heures impossibles. L’hôtel capsule est un de ces phénomènes. Mais il ne s’agit point de ce que je voulais aborder ici. J’ai eu le privilège d’être initié lors des derniers mois à Rilakkuma. Vous connaissez tous Hello Kity mais Rilakkuma est définitivement en train de rattraper Kitty dans le cœur des jeunes Japonais. Kuma veut dire Ours (Bear) en Japonais et Rilak est une merveilleuse traduction de relax. Rilakkuma est donc un Relaxing Bear. La plupart du temps, il nous est montré en train d’écouter de la musique, de dormir ou même en train de manger. Il à un acolyte, Korilakkuma (qui est blanc et un peu plus petit) et ils se tiennent avec un oiseau jaune. La plupart de mes étudiants ont quelque chose à l’effigie de Rilakkuma et j’ai commencé à trouver que cet ours avait une bouille sympathique et je dois dire que j’ai quelques trucs Rilakkuma. J’ai visité l’appart d’une amie l’autre jour et sa ‘chambre’ (je connais des gens qui ont de plus grosses salles de bain que cet appart) est un sanctuaire rempli de Rilakkuma. Oreillers, draps, oursons, tapis. TOUT! C’est elle qui m’a fait comprendre le paradoxe de Rilakkuma. Elle travaille 10-12 heures par jour et elle a 6 jours de congé par mois. Elle dort 5 heures par nuit et trouve le moyen de jouer au handball et de sortir un peu. Elle devrait être cliniquement morte mais elle trippe sur cet ours qui relaxe. Je crois donc que les Japonais (et surtout les Japonaises) aiment cet ours parce qu’il vit la vie qu’ils aimeraient avoir. Mais aucun Japonais digne de cette nationalité ne pourrait se permettre de passer ses journées à dormir, manger et écouter la télé (Bonheur Social) donc ils se réfugient dans des sanctuaires dédiés au Relaxing Bear.
Bon…si c’était moi, je deviendrais probablement fou et je lui crierait ‘Criss d’ours sale, t’aurais pu faire la vaisselle au moins, BOUGE ton CUL.. Fais de quoi! Ah pis t’es encore avec ton ami Korilakkuma et cet oiseau de merde!’ avant de tout brûler et de virer fou. Mais bon, c’est des Japonais et ils aiment ce genre de conneries.

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In a country like Japan, based on work ethic and performance, it is normal to se some phenomenon created to compensate the stress that live people who work over 80 hours a week. Capsule hotels are one of those things. But I wanted to talk about. I wanted to talk about Rillakuma, the ‘relaxing’ bear. Hello Kitty is the champion with kids but Rillakuma is quickly gaining up on the cat. He’s a relaxing bear cuz he doesn’t really do much aside from eating, sleeping and watching TV. He has a best friend, Korillakuma (white and a little smaller)and together, they chill with a small yellow bird. Most of my students have something representing Rillakuma and I know that a lot of bedrooms are plastered in Rillakuma gear. I think that Japanese people like this bear because it lives the life that they would like to live. But no Japanese people could live such a life so they go home and sleep 4 hours a night in their relaxing bear sanctuaries.
I know that if it was me, I’d totally become schizo about it and I’d go home and be like: ‘What you looking at you stupid bear? I look tired? Well you’d look tired too if you worked 12 hour shifts just to come home and have you, your stupid white bear friend and that bird, eating all my food and watching TV!!! DO SOMETHING! I Hate you you fucking relaxing bear’ (And then I’d grab a knife and stab them all and burn them)
But Japanese people love that kinda crap!

Meena can go to Well

2009-06-29T17:27:00.002+09:00

I really think I’m going to stay here only one more year.

Then again, you never know what can happen. I could get married and have a truckload of babies and never come back home. But I have been teaching from this book called ‘NEW HORIZON’ which is what most of the Junior High schools use in Japan and now, I have just come full circle and I’m pretty sick of it. The first lessons I gave when I arrived were about a girl named Meena, she’s from Nepal. Because of the money from her foster program, they built a second well in her village and all that crap. It’s exactly the kind of stuff that they want to hear over here. Some people just want to be told how awful it is elsewhere to make sure that they never move from their comfortable little lives. Well last week, I started telling Meena’s story again and teaching infinitives.

I must have said the sentence : ‘Thanks to your help, our village has another well’ 150 times since last August. I surprise myself daydreaming about Meena falling to a painful death after an unfortunate ‘accident’ in her Nepalese village. It would spice things up. Make my life more interesting. The target sentence now is: 'We are glad to have a chance' Well it could now be: 'We are sad to see that Meena is at the bottom of the well'
The kids would love it. They don’t even understand 75% of what we say anyways. Who are these clowns that wrote this textbook? I should be one of them, even if I have a clown phobia. Here is what I would do:
Unit 1: Let’s learn Braille
My idea: Let’s go to the peep show
Unit 3: Our sister in Nepal
My idea: The Nepalese accident
Unit 6: Family rules
My idea: My first hangover, or how I lost my virginity in a campground at 12.

I’m telling you, It’s GOLD. or maybe I just need a vacation! Well Hot Damn I'll be in Montreal in a month and 3 days!

Health check

2009-06-22T22:44:00.000+09:00

I’ve heard many horror stories about city employee health tests and Daniel and I, we were kind of not happy to receive the news that we had to go get tested on June 22nd. Stories about impatient doctors with quick fingers and undressing with uncomfortable co-workers were plenty, so I would have liked to pass. But, being Daniel’s mentor (haha bitch!) I had to show the young one that it was indeed going to be all right, even if was pretty sure I’d get anal probed real quick! Well it was a really pleasant morning in fact. Got to confirm that I have good hearing and perfect vision (Take that heredity!) and my pee seemed to have a nice Ph. My pressure is good and I can still run with the best of them. I was smiling and happy. But when I got to the scale I went Oh-Oh… My 79.3 kilos on my 170.8 cm frame give me a 27.1 Body Mass Index. It’s not bad but I do fall in the ‘Overweight’ category. (On a side note, how bad is this BMI thing, who’s the idiot who invented that?)

The doctor assessing my results was talking to me about tattoos and all before he broke it to me. He scanned his head to find the best possible English to tell me the straight facts: ‘You… are a little fat’. Well what do you expect? You guys feed me rice and bread like there is no tomorrow. You take me out drinking all the time. You force feed me all this stuff and I try to sweat it out by biking every day, rain snow sleet tsunami doesn’t stop me. ‘A little fat?!?!’ Pff. We all gained weight here but I’m seriously out of solutions. A west coast cleansing diet maybe. What’s that you say? Stop eating bread? NEVER! Try telling Amy Winehouse to stop smoking crack! I’ll go on a salad diet maybe. I’m open to suggestions. My friends back home can call me Doughboy, it’s ok. My students telling me I’m ‘chotto metabolic’, it can fly. But this was the last time a Japanese doctor would tap me on the back before telling me I’m a little fat. I’ll start throwing up if I have to!

LE MONDE EST petit

2009-06-10T15:49:00.002+09:00

Mai 2009, 9:45 am.

Moi et Ben, à la station Akebonobashi, une station mineure parmi les 168 stations de métro de Tokyo. (N’oubliez pas que par-dessus tout ca se trouve 141 stations de train)

Ben – J’ai faim, on va manger où?
PY – Shinjuku? Shibuya?
B - Shibuya, ça me tente…
PY – Man… tu vois le black là bas, je pense que je le connais. Parle moi comme un vrai québécois en passant à côté de lui.
B - T'es malade man, pourquoi tu penses ça? C'est pas parce que tu viens de Montréal-Nord que tu connais tous les noirs P-Y
PY - Je te le dis maaaan, just do it.
B – (à la Elvis Gratton) Ok, Faque les breaks ont pété sur mon char avant que je parte, ça m’a coûté une beurrée…

C’est à ce moment que nos regards se sont croisés… ‘P-Y?!?!’

Ooooh oui mes amis, le monde est petit, on est à Tokyo, une ville de 12 millions de personnes, et je croise un mec qui habitait en bas de mon ex-blonde : Myrrha. Faut le faire.

En plus, j’ai vu mon amie Isobel 3 fois en deux jours, par hasard! Une dernière : lorsque nous étions au camping dans le sud du Japon, une fille m’accoste en me disant que je lui semble famillier… Nous étions dans le même avion qui nous a emmenés au Japon.

De deux choses l’une :
1 - Je suis vraiment beau et populaire, et tout le monde accourt me voir n’importe où sur la planète.
ou
2- Le monde est vraiment VRAIMENT petit…

je vous laisse choisir

School lunch

2009-05-29T14:54:00.002+09:00

All school children in Japan, from kindergarden to junior high school, are provided with a school lunch. The Japanese word for this lunch is kyushoku.

Some days, kyushoku means ‘best thing EVER’ and some days I wouldn’t feed this stuff to my dead dog Porthos (RIP mon chien). It usually consists of some kind of meat (or fish), a soup (often miso based), a salad (or ‘salad’), rice (or bread on Tuesday and Thursday) and a milk. On special occasions, we get some form of dessert and some dry seaweed to put on our rice.

So here is an example of a good kyushoku: a nice piece of salmon, some cole slaw type salad, and chocolate chip bread. Here is a bad example of kyushoku: an entire small fish, complete with skin and eyes, looking at you like it just came out floating of the Exxon Valdez spillage, a konyaku salad (*BARFS*), a soup with 5 quail eggs in it and hot milk.

If they really want to make me sick, they will throw in some natto in there.

The picture seen here is my lunch for today. Shrimp gyoza, some noodle type salad with cucumber, rice (in the metal thing), a weird texture soup and some nuts mixed with small fish. A 8 on 10.

Carnets de voyage

2009-05-19T15:29:00.000+09:00

Ben, aka le gros cochon, est venu me voir et me tenir compagnie pendant mes deux semaines de vacances. Je peux difficilement expliquer le feeling que l’on ressent quand on revoit quelqu’un qui était si proche de nous et qui soudainement, réapparait. C’est difficile à décrire. Ça m’a fait un grand bien. Nous sommes donc partis sur un périple qui nous a emmenés de Sendai à Yakushima, dans le sud du Japon.

Au total, plus de 4500 km de route (aller retour) que nous avons fait pour nous rendre jusqu’à Yakushima. Nous avons été ensemble pendant 16 jours et il a pu me mettre à jour à propos de tous les derniers potins concernant mes amis et la vie en général. De mon côté, j’ai essayé de lui prouver que je pouvais parler un japonais de plus en plus fonctionnel. Je vais le revoir dans 2 mois et qq jours, ce qui sera encore une fois très plaisant.

Le voyage en chiffres
Heures passées dans des autobus de nuits : 49!!!
Nuits à l’hotel : 4
Nuits en camping : 4
Nuits dehors dans un buisson : 1
Piqures de moustiques sur un seul avant-bras et main : 16
Nombre de Hummers aperçus a Kyoto : 1
Nombre de cerfs agressés à Nara : trop
Nombre de belles filles à Osaka : beaucoup trop
Poutines : 1
Nombre de fois ou Ben a dit ‘SUMIMASEN’ : 673
Nombre de combinis visités : 127
Tortues géantes qui pondent des œufs apercues : 1
Nombre moyen d’œufs : 50
Prix d’une douche froide et sale dans un camping : 100 yens
Références au roi heenok : 1258
IPods : 1
Chargeurs de IPod : 0
Heures de musiques : 2
Heures d’impertinence : (24x16)

Thanks le gros, c’était parfait. T’étais même pas dans l’avion que je m’ennuyais. T’as tenu ta promesse, je l’oublierai pas
One Love!

P-Y

A gifted student - Mon meilleur étudiant

2009-04-22T23:23:00.003+09:00

Je vous présente Miyagima, mon meilleur étudiant:

Here is Miyagima, my best student

I can't be an english teacher, I'm from the street!

69 Gouin!

Check this: http://www.wimp.com/japanesebeatboxer/

ps: Merci MAX!

Historical Tourism... in my apartment!

2009-04-15T15:05:00.004+09:00

Some people do eco-tourism, some do culinary-tourism and some-people love history-tourism (I like to call these people: NERDS!).

So Japan, with its rich history and culture, is the perfect place for these people. Imagine visiting a country that was closed-off from the rest of the world for so long; everywhere I go, I can witness history. Sometimes I close my eyes and feel like a samurai in the 14th century:

- I visited temples with impressive architecture, some made of wood that is older than my own country.
- I visited remnants of the American bombings during the 2nd World war.
- I visited castles that once protected whole villages from other tribes.
- I visited mausoleums where entire families of samurais and nobles are buried.
- etc

Well I am lucky to have, in my own apartment, a piece of Japanese history. YES! I’m not kidding. Someday, I will start charging people to come and take a look at it. But it is a secret, do not tell anyone. It is so PRECIOUS, that some people have tried to steal pieces of it.

All right, I know you are dying to know what I’m talking about sooooo...

Well people, I give you: My shower.

This sorry excuse for a shower is really the most aggravating thing about my apartment. It’s a big apartment, a free apartment but LORD JESUS, I have NEVER seen such a crappy shower. The rumor says that Marco Polo once took a shower in there on his journey on the Silk route. To start it, I have to push a button and rotate it anti-clockwise. At the same time, I rotate another lever clockwise until the red gauge goes in the red matter (to make sure I have enough gas to heat up the water)..... Then, I have to turn and push two more buttons. Look, I’m not going to lie, it took me one month to start doing it without the paper telling me how to. It’s a really really bad shower and sometimes, I dream that my apartment catches fire and that I’m actually pleased because it means I can have a decent shower. I have seen better showers in CAMBODIA. I spent my entire winter naked, pushing and turning knobs (not my knob, of course) while freezing my ass off.
Sometimes, I wonder why on Earth I would want to live in this country for another year. Especially when I know my brother is probably taking a shower in a 10 jet, rain sensation shower that may or may not involve robots.
It’s just a really shit shower. Thank you, I feel better now.

Filling it up

2009-04-06T08:45:00.002+09:00

It is party season here in Japan. In the past two weeks, I have drank more than I should... Goodbye parties, welcome parties, and let’s not forget the ‘let’s drink a bottle of wine in the park and then go for Nomihodais where a robot from the future will try and take your money’ parties.
So now that I am sitting at my desk and my liver is failing me, I feel it is my duty to tell you about a Japanese custom. When having dinner or parties, you cannot, under no circumstances, fill up your own drink. EVER. Usually, if the people sitting next to you are efficient, your glass will always be full. You need to be a good neighbour too. I have developed a sixth sense, I scope the table and look for glasses that are less than 70% full and BAM, I get up and serve people like a trained waiter. And when I get back to my place, my drink is full too. It’s a great system because it gets the party going and it’s super-polite. But also, it’s a bad system because you can be responsible for getting people drunk. My co-worker was sleeping before the end of the party because of my efficient service, and when he woke up, he looked like a cooked lobster with really really blood-shut eyes.

This is the conversation we had in japanese:

‘Are you alright?’
‘Pierre-sensei, you made me drunk’
‘Well I was just being Japanese’
‘Well maybe you should be more Chinese (?!?! I don’t get it, drunk talk, he was laughing)
‘...hmm... ok. You want another drink buddy?’
‘haggushsgavgagva’

And he fell asleep again... I win

The curious case of the vanishing vacation... button

2009-03-25T07:51:00.001+09:00

In Japan, the school year ends today.
This being Japan, the next school year begins in 13 days. I had to sit through countless farewell ceremonies and speeches. Pretty interesting on a cultural point of view, but it was pretty boring actually...

Anyways, my predecessor and Daniel’s predecessor used to get these two weeks off... Vacation. Free time. Spring vacation. Haru yasumi. Do whatever you want. Don’t come to school, it’s useless. You would just sit around and be a waste of air and space. Go and live, discover Japan and get paid while you do it. Well we have just been royally screwed, because this vacation just vanished in front of our eyes. Apparently, they think we can be useful in some way. I don’t know what the deal is but it’s ridiculous. I should set up a webcam and show you. I have to fight not to fall asleep. My desk will be spotless. My computer is clean. My computer!! I don’t have internet so it’s stupid. I play Minesweper and Hearts and Solitaire. It’s aggravating because they know I have nothing to do, but because they are Japanese, they will never come up to me and tell me to go home because they are masters at pretending to look busy when they aren’t.

I think they want to force me to take paid leave but it’s like a challenge to me now. I want to keep as much as I can. I might need them:
I already know I need two days for my national holiday: 1 to get drunk, 1 to deal with the arrest and post bail.

White day...

2009-03-11T19:13:00.000+09:00

No it’s not a ‘Québec white day’, where students go and play in the snow all day. It’s actually a holiday.
Yeah, I know you’ve never heard of it. It is simply the biggest scam ever. In Japan, Valentine’s Day is on February 14th, and it’s a day where women buy something to all the men they care about. So men don’t have to buy anything and just receive. I was very happy when I heard that. I’ve never been the kind of guy who goes out and buys stuff for Valentine’s back home. In fact, my mom has been on the ball every year, buying me chocolate at every occasion. She even sent me some good Lindt choco-crack to Japan... I love my mom! But when I started seeing signs advertising White Day a week after Valentine’s, I was puzzled. ‘What is White Day?’ I wondered. ‘Maybe it’s a day where they can bash on white people, better stay at home on March 14th...’ And then I wondered: ‘March 14th...hmmm’.

You got it folks: White Day is the opposite of Valentine’s Day, where men are supposed to give back (x2) to the women who gave them presents. So let’s say a teacher gave me a box of chocolate containing 30 little hearts, she should get 60 from me. Some girl buys me a Porsche, I buy her a Lamborghini. A girl gives me a 10 inch pizza, a Golden Retreiver, a key chain, a 6-pack of Sapporo and tickets to the Icecapades, I give her the keys to my apartment. It’s just simple math really. HAHA

Man I hate White Day. It sounds so pure and pretty, when in fact, it’s so evil and nasty...

It's a skill, just like juggling!

2009-03-07T16:13:00.001+09:00

Look I’m not going to lie, sometimes, I don’t have much to do, but I’m paid on a yearly basis so I can’t just ask to go home, it ain’t my style yo! So I came up with this thing, it’s really great, check it out:

Of all the things I have learned in Japan, the skill we call ‘pretending to work’ is the one I have practiced the most so far. Especially at some of my schools, it is truly... an art. I see real experts here, just walking around, with paper in hand, grumbling at the copy machine or cutting and rolling pieces of paper. At first I couldn’t do it, I just stared at them and wondered what the hell they were busy doing, especially since I had absolutely nothing to do myself. But then I started feeling bad, so I started doing it too.

You should see me now; I get people telling me I work too hard. The first trick is (now listen carefully children): wherever you are walking, walk fast, but always with something in your hand. I use my agenda or anything written in French so that if they trap me, they won’t understand. The next trick is: if you are sitting at your desk, always look as if you have the biggest of headaches, with a pen in hand (or better yet a pen AND a highlighter!) and always have as many papers and books in front of you. Every 10 or 15 minutes, pretend you are looking for something for 5 to 7 minutes and breathe a sigh of relief when you find the ‘paper’ you had ‘lost for a second’. Now the two next steps involve computers. First, if you have Internet access (lucky you) the trick is to open a Word document or two, and to leave them open all day long, on top of other windows. Next, put your laptop screen as dark as possible, so that people can’t creep up on you and check out what you are doing from those nasty blind spots behind you. Make your Internet windows smaller and always have that Word document taking up the majority of the space. It sounds crazy but I’ve had MSN messenger webcam sessions because of that trick! If you don’t have Internet (like me right now at this school), start a blog and write some posts when you are dying of boredom... Also, write your e-mails in text so that when you get home, you only have to copy and paste them, which gives you more time to play online poker or watch Lost while eating ice cream (now you know what I’ve been doing during my winter weeknights!). Anyways, it sounds crazy but I’m actually applying all those things right now... it’s MAGIC!

I feel bad because I could have used this skill before. Instead of building castles of boxes at the Adidas store in order to block the camera view so I could just chill and sit for hours, I could have ‘pretended to work’. Instead of calling in radio shows and flirting with any girl with a pulse that worked with me at Urban Outfitters, I could have ‘pretended to work’...I’m telling you, it will save your life, and make your day go by faster! Thank me later
P-Y

Le Playground

2009-02-27T07:34:00.005+09:00

Me, Simon and Dereck, we decided to go on an adventure during the weekend. We were trying to hike the 2nd highest mountain in Tohoku with snowshoes to go down snowboarding. But when we realised it was going to snow all night and day, we started reconsidering... but we quickly decided that the adventure had to go on and that we were not going to back down, even if we were told by Japanese people that it was ‘crazy’ ‘dangerous’ and ‘a really really stupid thing to do’.

So we woke up at 6, after 4 hours of sleep, and headed out west... After driving forty minutes, Dereck’s car, the Bravo, decided to stop working and we were stuck on the side of the road, with no mountain to climb in sight. We were near a train station but the next train was 90 minutes later. That’s when Dereck remembered this mountain he went to with his teachers. We walked there and we went up as high as we could, and headed out in the forest with our ‘snowshoes’. I had powder up to my waist and it was snowing like crazy. So we walked (very slowly) up a hill and rode our snowboards and decided to go up another hill and that’s when we discovered ‘The Playground’: a slope of virgin territory never discovered by mankind, which was perfect for snowboarding. It was meters of fresh, dry snow... if you looked up the word ‘perfection’ in the dictionary, it would probably feature a picture of this place. We spent the day going up and down, vowing to return as soon as possible. We came back to Sendai and partied the night away, with our head full of beautiful memories. I fell asleep (drunk as hell) with 2 bags of ice on my knees but a smile on my face...

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Moi Simon et Dereck, nous voulions gravir la 2e plus haute montagne de tout le nord du Japon, en raquettes, pour la redescendre en snowboard. Nous étions mal équipés, mal préparés et ils annonçaient une grosse tempête de neige. L’amie de Dereck, une miss météo de la station locale, nous à vivement déconseillé, nous traitant même au passage de ‘fous’ et nous incitant à la plus grande prudence.

Lorsque nous nous sommes réveillés à six heures du matin pour réaliser qu’il neigeait abondamment, nous avons rempli le van et nous avons commencé à conduire vers la Mer du Japon. Après 40 minutes sur la route, l’auto de Dereck (une Bravo) à décidé de rendre l’âme au milieu de nulle part. Après avoir paniqué un peu et pensé que c’était la fin d’une bonne idée, Dereck s’est rappelé qu’il avait fait du snow dans une montagne avoisinante. Nous avons donc décidé de s’y rendre, et qu’une fois en haut, nous sortirions du sentier pour aller trouver quelque chose de plus intéressant. Après 10 minutes dans de la poudreuse jusqu’à ma taille, je commençais à trouver que c’était une mauvaise idée et que toutes les blagues que j’avais fait sur ma mort prochaine allait peut-être se concrétiser. Mais après un heure de recherche, nous avons trouvé la Terre Promise, un spot que nous avons baptisé : ‘Le Playground’. Un flanc de montagne sans arbres, avec des mètres et des mètres de neige jamais découvert auparavant. Nous avons passé la journée à descendre et remonter et descendre et remonter, c’était de toute beauté. Je remercie le ciel de m’avoir fait rencontrer ces deux mecs, qui me poussent à faire des choses que je n’oserais jamais accomplir. Ce soir là, je me suis endormi (bien saoul) avec de la glace sur mes genoux et un sourire accroché au visage…
On est loin du mont Saint-Bruno sti

Food!

2009-02-22T21:38:00.004+09:00

When I learned I was going in the Sendai area, I quickly got turned off by the specialty dish that they serve here: Gyutan. I mean, from Montreal, one of the world’s culinary capitals, a fried beef tongue seemed pretty awful. I would try it for sure, but I was probably going to hate it. Well look at me now, I’m actually showing up at Sendai station to have gyutan by myself. It’s like barbecued liver, with a little salty taste. It is delicious. Each and every person that will come and visit me will have to accompany me for some tasty tasty cow tongue... Most of the people that have tried it liked it... Some ginger headed people don't apparently, that's too bad! Hmm Hmmm Hmmm

The other must have is for the sweet tooth: TAYAKI. It’s a fish shaped pastry filled with either cream (ku-li-mu) or red bean paste. My favourite is the cream one. They have line-ups outside, as if I was buying smoked meat at Schwartz! Apparently, they serve it all over Japan, but the Sendai version in apparently the best (That information comes from a very friendly, but probably biased source of mine). So that will be stop number 2 for everyone who comes and visits.

So yeah: I lost weight when I got here, but have quickly gained it back

Ho-Ho-Hokkaido

2009-02-15T11:52:00.007+09:00

Went to Hokkaido, the northernmost island in Japan, here are some pictures:

Je suis allé à Hokkaido, l'île la plus septentrionale (le géographe en moi ressort) du Japon. Au menu, Sapporo Snow Festival, Snowboard à Niseko et bière, beacoup beaucoup de Sapporo! Voici les photos!

Yes we (fu*king) can!!

2009-02-06T15:06:00.002+09:00

Look, I’m not saying I dislike Barack Obama. Unlike a lot of people, I don’t think he’s the Savior, the new Jesus, the best thing since sliced bread. I mean, you’re supposed to judge a man by his actions, and he hasn’t done much yet. I wouldn’t start carving his face in Mount Rushmore just now.

But the reason he really aggravates me is this: in the past 6 months, 50% of my 1700 students (read: all the boys) have told me ‘Yes we can!’. They think it’s hilarious, I think it’s actually pretty laaaame. When you think about it, it is a pretty meaningless 3 words when it comes out of the mouth of a Japanese 9 year-old. I wondered: ‘Maybe I look like him...’ but NO.

So I’m guessing it’s a geography thing. As a geographer, it pisses me off that these kids think that Montréal, Québec, Canada is the same thing as Nashville, Tennessee, USA. On the other hand, when my soccer buddies learned I was moving to Japan, they said: ‘So you’ll hook up with a lot of Chinese girls you piiimp??’ (so so wrong). When I pointed out that Japan and China are quite different, they impressed me with the fact that the only thing they knew about Japan was the movie ‘Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift’. I just wish Obama had chosen a better slogan, something in the lines of : ‘P-Y you rock and we wish you were the king of the world’ or ‘P-Y can’. That would have been bitchin'!

I think I need a vacation, which is why I’m leaving tonight, on a boat, to Sapporo! Yeah! Snow festival, parties and snowboarding at Niseko (http://www.niseko.ne.jp/en/) are on the program....for five days.
You know you’re jealous.
P-Y

Omiyage

2009-01-29T17:00:00.004+09:00

So this week, I have decided to tell you (read: rant) a little about a Japanese custom which is both painfully annoying and expensive but at the same time, it represents well what Japan and the Japanese are: Omi-fucking-yage.
Omiyage is the art of gift-giving. It is the worst scam since Valentine's day and Halloween. I wouldn't be surprised if Nestlé is somehow behind this.

When I arrived from Canada, I gave maple flavoured whiskey (40$) to a guy I haven’t seen since, who is now retired. Just 5 minutes ago, I gave 20 dollars worth of cookies to my co-workers because last weekend, I went snowboarding an hour away from here, in another prefecture. So because I ‘travelled’ I had to buy 2 packs (38 staff members and teachers at my present school) of waffled cookies in a nice little individual wrapping, to show them that I appreciate them and that (even if I never really was thinking about work) I was still thinking about them enough to dish out 20 bucks for them. I could have bought a lot of beer, a lot of electricity to make my apartment warmer but noooo, I have to bring back cookies for my co-workers. So in addition to the 120$ I spent in Canada for the various important people I met when I first got here, I have spent another 150$ on gifts from Tokyo, Yamagata-Zao, Zao, Naruko, Nikko and next week, I will buy some more from Sapporo because I am going to the snow festival up there.

How many times have I received omiyage? Maybe 4 times, some random energy drink that tastes like cherries and some shitty mochi... COME ON!
Oh and that’s not all, every time someone invites me for dinner to their house, I have to bring something, so yesterday, I brought 15$ worth of chocolate to a man who has diabetes (and no teeth). He invited me and Daniel to his house because he is the host father of the Australian kid at my school. So according to my calculations, at the end of those two years, I will have spent 600$ on cookies and chocolate because I get to travel because I don’t have a wife and because I’M NOT A PSYCHOPATH WHO WILL SHOW UP AT 6AM ON A SATURDAY MORNING FOR KENDO PRACTICE!!! I’m sorry, I’d rather go snowboarding... and buy cookies to tell you I’m sorry.

P.S.: I still love you Japan, you just piss me off sometimes... xoxox

Japanese sick masks !!

2009-01-22T16:15:00.003+09:00

There is an outbreak of Influenza in the district... I think that the word Influenza might be the word I hear the most these days:

‘Ahh Natsumi has Influenza’ or
‘This class is half-empty because of Influenza’ or
‘Influenza is really bad this year’ or
‘You wanna go see that new Sylvester Influenza movie: Texas Influenza massacre? I hear it’s pretty influenza’ or also
‘Would you like some Natto with your Influenza?’

Anyways, I have to give classes to half-empty rooms, the ones that are still there either look like zombies or look like they are immune to every disease on the face of the Earth. I could throw a bucket of malaria mixed with a little yellow fever (and a side of SARS) to that little girl; she’ll still show up at 6 am to come play tennis 2 hours before class! But one thing unites them all. Everyone is wearing a mask.

I feel like I’m teaching to a bunch of Asian Darth Vaders. They all have masks!! So as if I wasn’t flashing enough, I’m one of the 5 people in school that isn’t wearing a mask. I was told that they wear masks to protect themselves and to protect others. It’s just a bunch of crap if you ask me... As soon as they come to talk to me, they take off the mask and come inches away from my face. I had a snotty coughing girl sitting a meter from me for 50 minutes yesterday and I was like ‘Oh Oh, I’m in trouble’ but I woke up fine... Maybe it’s my beer a day (or 7), that is (are) keeping the doctor away?

I think the masks are great, but I was told that they think it’s weird when gaijins (foreigners) wear them. But I’m so tempted. They have Hello Kitty masks, Reebok masks, plaid masks, houndstooth masks, argyle masks, Louis Vuitton masks, Lilo and Stitch masks. It’s a fashion statement, as well as protection. I also think it has to do with the fact that deep down, these people are all ninjas (It’s a secret, don’t tell them I told you). But man, I’d be so cool if I had a Burberry mask, or even better, a Montreal Canadiens mask!

I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello...

2009-01-16T17:15:00.005+09:00

‘It’s always better when we’re together’ -Jack Johnson

My best buddy left me this week, after spending 17 days with us in Thailand and 7 days in Japan. You know, it was already hard enough to tell him good-bye in July; I had to go through this again 6 months later. With a teary eye, I was walking in Akebonobashi towards the subway station and I was wondering again why I put Thailand and 7 days in Japan. You know, it was already hard enough to tell him good-bye imyself in this situation.

This guy has been around me for almost half of my life. He knows everything about me and was there for most of the crazy shit I’ve done in my life. We have always been there for each other and it will be the same for a very long time. The past 6 months have been wonderful on a personal and professional level, but it felt so good to see him and Seb and to ask them what was going on with Hugo, MCP, Ben, the poker crew, the Habs...

All those things and all these people I love, is it worth spending another 18 months away from them? Well the answer is: most probably. I mean, these 6 months have been a real eye-opener about myself, and what I want and what I can become. I have learned a lot and met some great people. And when I was left by myself after Jee’s departure, I was on the shinkansen and I decided that yes, I will definitely stay, but also, I will definitely go spend 10 days in Montreal, whether it be this summer or next Christmas... But I also realised another thing, this roller-coaster of emotions is only starting, whether it’s deep conversations in my freezing apartment or the painful good-byes coming up next July, this was and will be an interesting year...I miss you Jee... see you soon my brother!

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Mon meilleur chum est parti du pays du Soleil levant, pour aller rejoindre les nôtres au pays du (avertissement de) froid intense. Ça m’a fait du bien de le voir et de passer du temps avec lui, parler de nos amis et du Canadien (Lecavalier… n’importe quand sti). Les 17 jours passés au Pays aux milles sourires (Thailand baby) la semaine au Japon (Tokyo will never be the same) m’ont fait un grand bien. Mais c’est la deuxième fois que je dois lui dire ‘au revoir’ en ne sachant pas trop quand je vais le revoir… C’est pas facile de laisser partir ceux qu’on aime, pour aller faire tourner, des ballons sur son nez, ouuh oouh ouuh. Non mais pour vrai, des fois je me demande vraiment pourquoi je me suis foutu dans une situation pareille. Mais en même temps, cette expérience m’a appris beaucoup de chose sur la personne que j’étais et la personne que je suis en train de devenir. Les prochains 18 mois vont être une succession d’adieux et de moments très forts et difficiles. Je vais devoir m’y faire.

Guess who's back?!

2009-01-09T16:01:00.003+09:00

Welcome back!

Allright so here’s the lowdown on my vacation...
High points
- Swimming 18 meters deep with my friends and discovering that there is indeed a world under there. It was magical, thank you Antoine and thank you Jacques Cousteau.
- Being with my friends from Montréal, just talking our slang , as if I never left town. Listening to gangsta rap on the balcony of our bungalow in the jungle. Playing Settlers on a rooftop, with a small special event...
- Spending quality time with my friends from Japan, creating legends (King Tablette the First, Bumfight, the Medieval Pig...). Enough inside jokes for 18 months!
- Meeting the Thai Bob Marley, complete with words of wisdom: ‘My neighbours you know, they think I’m special... I build a big fire you know... to hide the smell. Because early in the morning man, I like to smoke some BIG weed...’ Whenever I’ll feel stressed or sad, I’ll just think about that man… You can’t make this shit up!

Low points
- Losing Jenn, my Montreal friend, because some asshole can’t light a firework properly. We were just chilling on the beach on New Year’s Eve when a fugitive douchebag lit a firework that attacked all the people that were at that bar that day, including me. I showed I come from the ghetto, as soon as it started going towards us, I ran away! Jenn didn’t, and she ended up in a hospital...
- Coming back tanned, but not tanned enough

Some stats:
- Some kid hustled 200 bahts (6,73$ CN) from me by calling me a ladyboy in front of my friends, before beating me at thumb wrestling. Asshole.
- Most expensive night: 250 bahts (8,50$ CN)
- Cheapest: 125 bahts (4,25$ CN)
- Pair of true religion jeans: 590 bahts (20$ CN)
- Red bull: 10 bahts (HEAVEN: 0,34$ CN!!!!!!)
- Eating in a dirty alley in Koh Phangan, full meal with beer: 100 bahts (3,40$ CN)
- Price of fruit shake, made of fresh fruits, in front of you: 25-30 bahts (0,94$ CN)
- Fake Ray Bans: 100 bahts (3,40$ CN)
- I saw a guy buying 2800 bahts (96$ CN) of helium balloons on Kao San Road, just to release them, that guy is now in the Hall of shame of idiots.

Overall, it was a great vacation. It felt so good to be with my Montreal buddies. It took the pain away from not having a white Christmas. Thai food is good, but it’s far from my brother’s turkey and my mother’s stuffing (and soup, and Alaska pie). I would have appreciated having my niece sitting on my lap, while I listen to my sister-in-law entertain me. It won’t be a real Christmas until I relive those. But this: the palm trees, the buckets, the friends, the stray dogs… it was the next best thing.

PS: This blog will start going again, at the same rate as before, sorry to have kept you waiting ya’ll

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Bonne année à tous! Voici mes vacances, racontées pour vous:

Points forts:
- Faire mon cours de plongée… C’était la meilleure idée que j’ai eu depuis longtemps. On découvre un nouveau monde à 18 mètres de profondeur. Les coraux, les couleurs, les poissons, le sentiment d’être sur une autre planète. C’était vraiment magique! Merci Antoine et Suzanne…
- Passer du temps avec Jee et Séb, parler du roi Heenok, de Montréal, du Canadien… Chanter du Sans Pression en étant écrasé dans un hamac un 26 décembre… ça c’est gangster! Merci les gars, ça m’a tellement fait du bien.
- Avoir crée des légendes avec mes amis japonais. Bumfight l’itinérant, Le cochon médiéval (aka le chien le plus laid sur Terre), long live the king. Assez d’inside jokes pour 18 mois!

Points faibles :
-Perdre Jenn le 31 à 23:30, parce qu’un imbécile sait pas allumer un feu d’artifice. La pauvre à passé le coup de Minuit effrayée, avant de se rendre à l’hôpital, brûlée. J’aurais pu y passer moi aussi, j’ai eu un instinct de survie exceptionnel quand j’ai vu les feux exploser partout autour de moi… C’était ASSEZ ordinaire mettons.
-Revenir pas assez bronzé, la faute de mes cours de plongée et de la météo…

Quelques stats : (voir l’article anglais ci-haut)

C’est un voyage que je méritais, et qui m’a fait le plus grand bien. Je remercie mes amis d’être venus, ils m’avaient dis, quand j’ai quitté, qu’ils viendraient et ils disaient la vérité. J’ai ri, j’ai fait le party, j’ai pensé à tout sauf au travail. Ils ont réussis à me faire sourire malgré le fait que j’étais triste d’être loin, dans un Noël qui était tout sauf blanc. La bouffe thaï est excellente, mais c’est pas mon traditionnel repas de Noël. J’aurais aimé être avec ma vraie famille… Ben là j’étais avec ma 2e famille, ce qui à fait que j’ai passé des Fêtes que je n’oublierai jamais.

PS : Le blog repart, au même rythme qu’avant, donc revenez souvent!

Reunited... and it feels so good! Merry Christmas!!

2008-12-17T22:37:00.003+09:00

Please click on this link before reading the following post: http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=b5UsW13-hNE

In 3 days, I will be reunited with my best buddy, my partner in crime: Jee Unit Gagnon. I will finally be able to reconnect with Montreal and to talk my slang with someone who will understand me. We’re meeting in Bangkok, in familiar territory, but it will feel weird to meet him after 5 months apart. I’m giving him special props on being the 1st one to come all the way here to see me.

Then (as if that wasn’t enough) we’ll be reunited with Seb. So the Quebec tornado that hit South-East Asia 3 years ago will be ¾ reunited. We will miss a very important part, the blond welding part. But I’ve been told he might come in April-May, which makes me very very happy. However, it will not be the same without him. Miss you gros cochon... Who will tell girls that he needs more wine, when all he actually wants is wind? Who will be the richest man in Thailand bitch? We will try and have fun even if you are not there, but it will be difficult. I’ll be happy to listen to some Sans Pression, talk hockey and gossip on all the people I’ve left behind. I can’t wait! So Seb, Jee, get your popcorn ready, because the Bouc Masqué is INCOMING!!!

So yes, I’m going on a well deserved vacation, after all these classes, after all these weekends of mayhem. It was needed, as I’ve been lacking some enthusiasm at work recently. I needed to recharge the batteries. WITH RED BULL!!! Nah, I’ll be watched so that I won’t fall back into some bad habits I have kicked. But it will be cool to leave the cold of northern Japan for the white sandy beaches of the Andaman Sea. Also, it will be cool to travel with my Miyagi friends. And as if THAT wasn’t enough, I’ll be meeting up with Jennifer Tuck, my Montreal friend who lives in Okinawa! It promises to be a kickass vacay-cay...

So before I go, I want to wish each and every one of you a very merry Christmas, a happy new year. I wish I was with my friends and family, in the snow, but I’ll still be in good company. It could have been even better but we’ll work on that for the next vacation......

Thank you for reading me for my first 5 months here, it might be hard to post from there but I will try, if not, well reconnect to this blog in January... Oh by the way, my Christmas gift to myself: I just submitted my papers to stay a second year. A big decision and I’m certain it was a good one! I’m not going to name names but (mersmcpidajuliebenhbombmomdadcarobigangelaeddycharlotteaméjessalexandallofyou) it will give you plenty of time to come, whenever you want!

Merry Christmas! It will be my first non-white Christmas... Maybe the Obama effect hit me all the way here!

Love you all, visit me any time.

Pierre-Yves

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Noyeux Joelle (never gets old) et Bonne Année à tous mes lecteurs...

Je vais rejoindre mes amis Jean-Luc et Sébastien en Thaïlande pour 17 jours. Nous allons aller prendre du soleil sur les îles paradisiaques de la mer d’Andaman. Je m’en vais en terrain connu, puisque j’ai déjà visité Koh Phangan et Koh Tao la dernière fois que je suis allé en Asie du Sud-est. Il manquera seulement Ben afin de compléter la désormais célèbre tornade québécoise qui à frappé la région en 2006. J’ai invité tout le monde qui travaille au Japon (ou presque) à se joindre à moi. J’ai donc convaincu 4 de mes amis de la préfecture où je travaille, et mon amie Jennifer, une ALT montréalaise qui travaille à Okinawa, sera là également avec 5 de ses amis. Ça promet!!

Y’à des gens que j’aurais bien aimé avoir avec moi, des gens que j’aime ici et à la maison, mais j’imagine que ce sera pour une prochaine fois… J’aimerais vous remercier de m’avoir lu pendant ces 5 premiers mois de mon aventure, une aventure qui vient (probablement, si ils acceptent) de s’allonger de 18 mois puisque j’ai remis mes papiers afin de rester une deuxième année!! C’est mon cadeau de Noël à moi-même! Je suis tellement bien ici, mais je dois avouer que je m’ennuie terriblement de vous tous, surtout quand arrive le temps des Fêtes. Je pense donc à une possible visite éclair l’été prochain, mais je préfèrerais que vous veniez me voir, ça serait plus exotique!

Je vous embrasse tous, je vous souhaite un Joyeux temps des Fêtes! Je pense à vous, à la neige et je réalise que ce sera mon premier Noël non-blanc.

P-Y xox

Elementary school !!!!

2008-12-10T19:40:00.002+09:00

I started teaching at elementary schools last week. It was draining but so rewarding! All day, I had kids running after me, jumping on me, asking me to go play outside with them. When I was teaching, I had the most attentive crowd ever. I realised I’m getting used to the bored faces of the junior high school students who don’t really care about English. With elementary school children, there is a problem if they are not listening to you... which is exactly what happened to me last week, with one of my students.

So on my way to the elementary school last Friday, the dude that picked me up says something in Japanese... I understand the words ‘Influenza’, ‘very bad’, ‘lot of sick pupils’, ‘wash hands’... I stay composed and I look at my teaching plan and all 4 of my classes are based on greetings. Western greetings that is. So I’m thinking to myself: 'there is an Influenza epidemic, and I’m about to shake hands with 40x 4 children. Smart move P-Y'. I decide to go with the initial plan and spend the day shaking hands with snotty children. Half of them are wearing those masks, sometimes around their necks, sometimes on their head. A lot of them are coughing; I’m starting to imagine all the crap that’s floating in the air. But everything goes well. My last class, all the children are all ears while I’m miming an Eskimo that is shooting down a polar bear. 39 of them are saying stuff like ‘oooooh’ and ‘aaaaaah’ when I tell them the tale of the time I built an igloo, covered with polar bear fur, under the aurora near the North Pole. But this one girl seems phased out, she’s about to fall asleep in my face!!! What the hell? I’m like ‘whatever, she’s missing out on my story about the time I went fishing for seals between two icebergs’. But then, I see her shoulders jumping a little. ‘Is she crying?? Man, she must be moved by all my Canadianessss’. That’s when I smelt the characteristic odour of PUKE. She puked herself listening to me! She was so thrilled by my odyssey, she couldn’t bring herself to run to the bathroom and be sick in there. Me and the teacher, we put gloves on, picked up the vomit and the teacher brought the poor girl to the nurse (side story, none of the kids screamed and freaked out, they all acted as if nothing happened.... damn Japanese!). I never stopped my stories; I actually told them those gloves reminded me of the time I had to prepare fish for an entire tribe in Northern Quebec.

After the class, when the teacher came to apologize about the other victim of the Influenza, I told him I was apparently immune to puke. I was a flight attendant, I’ve seen a lot of it... Or maybe, just maybe, I’m ready to be a dad??? lol, probably not!

Now let’s just hope I’m immune to Influenza!

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J’enseigne dans quelques écoles primaires depuis deux semaines. L’histoire que je voulais vous raconter, vous devrez la traduire puisque je n’ai pas le temps de le faire moi-même. Cependant, j’ajouterai que de voir tous ces enfants, ça fait en sorte que je m’ennuie des deux plus beaux enfants sur la planète.

Vos cadeaux ne Noël s’en viennent mes chéris.

Je m’ennuie.

J’ai hâte de vous voir!

Uncle P-Y xoxoxox

Mr. Clean

2008-12-03T17:29:00.008+09:00

Cleaning time fascinates me...

It’s a 25 minute period in the afternoon where the kids move the desks around and clean the floors, windows and blackboards. Sure, some of them are lazy and all, looking like a bunch of Montreal City employees, leaning on their brooms and mops. But just the fact that you can trust these kids with bottles of Windex, canisters of kerosene and enough dangerous products to blow up the whole neighbourhood, is amazing. If this was North America, you’d find 5 guys in a bathroom, mixing up stuff to create a new drug. Hell, maybe I would have been one of those! lol. You’d also find a bunch of dummies smoking next to the kerosene.

Sure, the school is nowhere near as clean as my high school back home, the bathrooms stink and there is rust here and there. But that’s not the point. To me, it just shows how much respect they have for their school, teachers and, to a larger extent, country. Would the kids do that nowadays in Canada? Pff, puh-lease, asking the question is giving the answer.

Also, it makes for good pictures:

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Pendant l’après-midi, les étudiants de toutes mes écoles doivent nettoyer leur école. Comme une armée de concierges, ils se promènent avec le Windex, les balais et les squeegees afin d’éliminer toute trace de malpropreté. Certains d’entre eux ont l’air d’une bande de cols-bleus en train de remplir un nid-de-poule (lire: foutent pas grand-chose) mais la plupart font un minimum d’effort, ce qui fait une différence considérable. Si c’était le quartier Centre-Sud, il y en aurait 5 dans les toilettes en train d’inventer une nouvelle drogue de synthèse avec les produits chimiques fournis par l’école.

C’est assez fascinant de les voir aller. Je devrais rester assis à mon bureau et relaxer mais je préfère les regarder faire. L’école est relativement sale, les toilettes sentent mauvais, mais c’est pas ça le principe… Je trouve que ça démontre un immense respect pour leur école, leurs professeurs et (toute proportion gardée) leur pays.

En plus ça fait des photos le fun :

The Fugitive

2008-11-27T20:25:00.010+09:00

I have always been called a fugitive. I like to run away... it's me!

I really didn't know the exact reason why I came to Japan... Maybe I ran away from stuff back home. But even if I did, who doesn't run away?? Maybe I (somehow) knew I'd meet the greatest group of people, these 4 month old friendships that I know will last for a loooong time. I knew I'd visit Japan a lot, a country I couldn't afford otherwise. But the thing I didn't expect is... the kids.

Man these kids are just off the hook. They are simply amazing! I must be doing something right, because they make me feel pretty good about myself, which is (believe it or not) something that didn't happen often enough in the past 10 years. So to all the kids, even if none of them are reading this: Domo Arigato

Pierre sensei

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Mes amis m'appellent le fugitif. C'est vrai que j'ai fui pas mal de choses dans ma vie. Ils (mais surtout elles) me l'ont tous dit: Jessie, Julie, Mers, Jee, Ben, Amélie, Alex, M-Ève.... tout le monde me l'as dit. Mais c'est ma façon de régler mes problèmes. Je ne sais pas exactement ce que je cherchais en venant ici, à l’autre bout du monde, mais ce que je sais, c'est que je suis une meilleure personne que celle qui à pris l'avion le 27 juillet... (4 mois!!!)

Peut-être, qu’inconsciemment, je savais que j’allais rencontrer des gens qui, en 4 mois, ont réussi à me convaincre que nous allons passer le reste de nos vies ensemble… Peut-être que je fuyais l’amour (désolé), peut-être que je le cherchais (hello), who knows? Je savais que j’allais pouvoir visiter le Japon, un pays que je n’aurais pas pu me payer avant. Ce que je ne savais pas, c’est que les élèves à qui j’enseigne allaient me faire grandir autant. Ils me donnent l’impression d’être quelqu’un d’important, un feeling que je n’avais pas ressenti assez souvent au cours des 10 dernières années. Et ce feeling d’accomplissement, il me fait un grand bien.

Alors à toutes les Natsumi, Eri, Yuka : Arigato Gozaimashita!

P-Y (le fugitif)

Top 3

2008-11-25T17:03:00.003+09:00

Le Japon est fou de top 3. J’ai visité déjà 2 des 3 plus belles chutes du Japon (bof). La plus belle montagne du Tohoku (wow), tout est classé en top 3. Ce weekend, je suis allé voir un des trois plus beaux châteaux de l’île d’Honshu. En arrivant sur place, je trouvais ce château suspect. Il était trop blanc et à l’intérieur, il était fait entièrement de bois qui me semblait plutôt récent. Après avoir consulté la brochure, nous avons réalisé que nous étions dans un château construit en 1994. 1994! C’est pas un château, come on! Si ça c’est un château, y’a plein de châteaux sur la rive-sud de Montréal. Mon école secondaire est un château. Chez Mado sur Pie-IX : château. Le loft : château! Le Loblaws sur Mont-Royal : château! Anyway, quand moi pis Simon avons réalisé que, depuis la construction de ce ‘château’, le Bleu-Blanc-Rouge n’avait pas gagné la coupe Stanley, nous avons songé à la mission kamikaze. Mais finalement, on s’est ravisés.

On a ramené 7 personnes dans mon appart et on failli tout brûler. Après deux nuits à l’hotel PYfornia (ou Pytz Carlton, ou château Jacques-Daniel), moi, Jill, Eeva et Matt, nous sommes allés visiter une statue de ‘Bouddha’, à Sendai. Elle avait l’air bien, une sorte de monument grandiose, construit à la main pendant 200 ans au 6e siècle. Mais finalement, c’est une statue construite en ciment, en 2 mois, sur le bord d’un terrain de golf. Mais bon, en bonne compagnie, après un weekend de relaxation/débauche, je m’en balançais pas mal. Après avoir passé un mois à courir partout dans Miyagi, ça faisait du bien de passer une fin de semaine de 3 jours autour de Sendai. J’ai quand même eu la chance de manger de l’Otonominaki, aller chanter du karaoke, aller patiner, faire du purikura, passer mes nuits au chaud et me ressourcer dans un onsen. Je ne suis quand même pas à plaindre!

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Top 3 waterfalls in Tohoku... Top 3 scenic spots in Miyagi... Top 3 onsens in Japan... Top 3 sushis at the conveyor belt sushi spot... Top 3 fuel efficient cars... Top 3 train stations... Top 3 reasons not to ride your bicycle when it’s minus 2... Top 3 ways to torture Ponyo... Top 3 ways Ryan O'byrne can screw the Habs over... I tell ya, Japan is CRAZY about top 3’s! In the Lonely Planet and in all tourist information booklets and pamphlets, they list the top 3 in everything.

Well this weekend, I visited a couple of official top 3’s, and we probably created other top 3’s as well. We went to Shiroishi castle, one of the 3 nicest castles in Honshu... As soon as we got to the castle, something was fishy. Very suspicious even. Maybe it was the perfect beams of wood, maybe it was the hard wood flooring or maybe it was the perfectly balanced (feng-shui) lighting. This castle, albeit beautiful, was a scam... Looking at the brochure, we read that this castle was built in 1994, at the exact place where a castle used to be back in the days. But come on, 1994!! The Habs haven’t won a cup since they built that castle (which made me and Simon want to burn it down)! If I want to see fake castles and ‘authentic’ samourai houses, I’ll rent a Disney movie...

I’m complaining (because it’s one defining trait of my personality apparently) but it was still a great day. Actually, it was a kickass weekend! My home was transformed in a hotel. We almost burnt down the neighbourhood and managed to break my shower, but man, Hotel P.Y.Fornia (or the Pytz Carlton, or Motel Shitsureishimasu, or Chateau Jacques Daniel, or Auberge de la Ghetto) was the place to be! Monday (day off for Culture Day), me, Jill, Matt and Eeva we went to a giant white statue of... Buddha (?) that, from downtown Sendai, looks amazing. On our way there, I was wondering if it was built by thousands of Japanese men in the year 1345 to honour a great battle or something, and that it was maybe a great example of the Japanese efficiency and bla bla bla... Turns out that the statue is between a golf course, a parking lot and a supermarket, it’s pretty recent and the people that live near it pretty much hate it, it’s made of cement and it’s pretty pointless really. BUT! In a weekend where everything was pretty much AWESOME, I guess I really didn’t care about it. We skated, went for karaoke, ate okonominaki, did purikura, went with the flow, went onsenin’, got crunk, talked chavs and Jazz (not placed in order of anything). And now, I’m this much closer to meeting my friends in Thailand and I got 2 things on my mind...
Shitsureishimashta!

Schizo

2008-11-21T16:42:00.004+09:00

This country is so technologically advanced... it freaks me out all the time. With the help of my new time travelling machine, I will give you a transcript of the conversation I had with my brain yesterday. It’s got drama, action and all that jazz... Ch-Ch-Ch-Check it ouuuut:

Well that was a pleasant Skype conversation, albeit long, but it could have went forever for all I care. Thank you Black Mamba. I just told you: 'You have to go day by day you know? Carpe Diem...' Well to tell you the truth, some days, I get scared and I think I might go home to my friends and family. You guys are my new family, and my new friends. You are so right, what if something would happen and fuck it all up?
It also doesn’t help that last year, at this exact moment, I was roaming the streets of Montréal (drunk) with my friends and with Princess Madeleine (Miss you söt). Waking up alone and freezing doesn’t help either.

But what am I saying??? Of course I’ll stay. You guys make me laugh; we have so much fun... I’m healthier, richer, and we look out for each other. We’ll lose a few angels in July but it will still be okay.... right?? (Please tell me I’m right). Also, the Canadian economy is crap, my hockey team suddenly stinks, my best friend is threatening to replace me with the first monkey she sees and it’s way colder back in the 514. Maybe I should just move somewhere else? Caiiimbridge and the UK sound good, Scandinavia as well... Maybe I should go somewhere really random: I hear Easter Island is a great place to celebrate Hanukkah. Or New Zealand, Nadine could help me with that.

Man if I move somewhere, I hope they have Red Bull, Onigiri and Black Thunder. The Holy Trinity, the 3 food groups: Rice, liquid cocaine and chocolate. Wait? Am I delirious, who the hell am-I talking to? Is that Date (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Date_Masamune) looking at me in the corner? Oh Oh, maybe I should have opened a window when I started using the kerosene heater. I wonder if they have 7/11’s in heaven? Who am-I kidding, I’m going straight to hell anywaaaaaaZzZzzzzzzzzzzzZz...

Meanwhile, in the ghetto...

2008-11-19T06:30:00.003+09:00

Pourquoi Calixa Lavallée? Parce que ma nouvelle école est au centre de Natori, parce que les jeunes qui y étudient sont, pour la plupart, dépendant des calories fournies lors du repas du midi. Parce qu’ils ont des uniformes déchirés, des sacs d’écoles en lambeaux… (Maintenant que j’y pense, un grand homme m’a déjà fait remarquer que les étudiants de Calixa-Lavallée n’ont pas de sac d’école). Parce que les étudiants sont moins respectueux, moins souriants. Surtout les garçons de 3e année. Je n’ai pas aidé ma cause en étant le coach de l’équipe de soccer qui les a écrasés 4 matches de suite.

Sinon, les filles me pourchassent, me poussent dans un coin et me posent des questions plutôt personnelles pendant les pauses. J’ai mis les plus gangters de mon bord en leur montrant le contenu de mon IPod. J’essaie de leur raconter Montréal-Nord, Ahuntsic Zoo et NDG mais les mots ‘Ghetto’ ‘Bum Rush’ ’67 Saint-Michel’ et ‘black on black’ ne sont pas des termes que l’on nous apprend lors d’un cours de japonais 101…

Je les aime bien malgré tout… sauf 1. Je lui ai donné le surnom de ‘jeune pédé’. Il a pendant les 150 minutes de cours que j’ai donné dans sa classe depuis mon arrivée. J’imagine qu’il passe ses nuits à lire des mangas… Peu importe, je serai heureux de le voir passer la moppe dans un McDo. La prof avec qui j’enseigne ne veut pas intervenir, donc j’ai entrepris de le garder éveillé de toutes les façons imaginables. Mais je commence à être à cours d’idée… Il me reste encore 19 jours de travail avant de partir en Thaïlande! Anyway, je suis ouvert à toutes suggestions.

J’ai peur pour la sécurité de mon vélo mais j’ai une gang de rue à mon service si jamais quelqu’un décidait de le voler. Le nom que j’ai donné à ce regroupement de jeunes voyous : Pachinko Panda 9. C’est moins beau et ça sonne moins bien que les Amimaux ou les Aigles du Collège Jean-Eudes mais ils sont moins beaux et ils sonnent moins bien également!

No one, I repeat : NO ONE messes with the Bouc Masqué.. lol

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How sweet it is to work in a school that reminds me of the neighbourhood I grew up in... This school is in the center of Natori, I see the cranes all around while I’m teaching. Some kids look poor, others look just filthy, but most of them are in love with me... It helps that I come in the morning looking like a white Ol’ Dirty Bastard. I get off my bicycle and there is a gang in the corner, trying to impress me. I walked straight up to them and I’m like ‘WHAT??! You wanna start something’, and then I make them listen at my IPod, show them some gang signs and BAM!!!! , I have the street gangs on my side!

Once again (3 schools on 3) the girls think I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. They ask me all kinds of questions that cannot be repeated. Of course, there are some bad sides to all this. The first school was perfect on all levels, the second one had a family atmosphere to it, but the kids at both schools we’re pretty respectful and funny. I have to admit that the 3rd year students in this school, they pretty much SUCK. I have one in particular who has been sleeping through all my classes (3), wearing his G-Unit winter jacket. I’m so very insulted by this, but I was told a million times that we can’t do discipline here. So I walk around the class and ‘accidentally’ kick his chair. Also, I sometimes ‘accidentally’ lift his desk up in the air, or pull it quickly. The dude is a straight up loser; he probably reads manga until 4 am, that’s why he can’t stay awake. I’ll be happy to see him clean up a McDonald’s washroom for a living. I’m looking for other solutions, the Japanese teacher I’m working with, she’s going with the ‘Meeeh, what can I do’ approach. I’m looking into it, maybe I’ll drop chalk in his hair (or gum), maybe I’ll tie his shoes together or maybe I’ll just keep treating him like the loser that he is.

Either way, it’s kind of fun to work in an inner city type school, changes the routine I had. And after school, I can walk the 2 minutes that separate me from the batting cages and go unwind there. And if one of these fools touches my bicycle, well I got my posse running 15 deep who will be looking for the a**hole!

To quote the Wu-Tang Clan: P-Y sensei ain’t nothing to fuck with... lol

Old school

2008-11-14T06:52:00.002+09:00

NOTE: I was asked to post more often... I will try and satisfy my fellowship (BTW, got the numbers from blogger.com, I have had 7500 hits in 3 months, Dayum!) And now, because all these people are reading me, I will try and quench your thirst! Now only if you guys left some comments sometimes. Shout out to the ones who do!

I just finished a 4 week sting at the ‘Beach school’. The beach school (Yuriage JHS) was fun, but it was the smallest school in town, only using half of its classes. And in half the classes I gave, half the classrooms were empty, you diggg? (Come on, get your calculators out...) It was a little depressing to tell you the truth. I felt like I was a teacher in one of those villages really far from Montreal, filled with old people and the random teenager (like my mom’s village). It baffles me because it is in the nicest part of town... View on the ocean and the mountains, it’s just a little far from the center of the city, which might explain the exodus (like in my mom’s village). I was seating across from Kita sensei, who is the most beautiful music teacher of all time, if all my music teachers in high school looked like that, I would probably have 10 Grammys today.

I had a great time, the staff and the kids we’re amazing. I must admit that the level of English was VERY low (starting to sound a lot like my mom’s village). Not a single soul in an entire class could answer the question: ‘When is your birthday’! I was pointing at me, saying: ‘My birthday is January 20th’. Then, I pointed to the calendar and named all the months.... And then I was pretty aggravated so I went back to the usual suspects: ‘What’s this?’ ‘Do you like Ponyo?’ ‘What’s your favourite color?’. So if in 6 years, you meet a Japanese kid somewhere and all he can say is: ‘I like Ponyo, this is chalk and I like purple’ Well you know who to blame!! The teacher, he was feeling bad, then again, he looks like he had 7 Valiums during the break. Lucky though, my other teacher was the bomb! His name is Fujimura, he’s like 7 feet tall, he shaves his head and he wants to go snowboarding with me and his wife... Bring it Dogg!
The vice-p
rincipal invited me to the best gyutan (Cow Tongue, a Sendai specialty and a very delicious one too) restaurant in Sendai on my last day, along with his wife and teenage daughters. I was impressed, because in this country, it’s not something very common to invite a simple teacher like me, when you are the big Man... He picked the best of the best, made me drink the best sake, in a special local way! He paid the 13 000 yens bill too, which made me feel pretty shitty, but hey, what would Jesus do?

In 3 days, we’re talking about my new school, aka the school they based the movie Dangerous minds on...

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Note : 7500 clicks sur mon blog en 3 mois. Vous pourriez laisser des commentaires bande d’ingrats!! Moi qui croyais que je me parlais tt seul… Anyway, je vais essayer d’écrire plus souvent. De toute façon, il commence à faire froid, je crois que je vais devenir de plus en plus frénétique… so watch out!!!

Je viens de terminer mes 4 semaines dans l’école à la plage… Yuriage JHS, c’est la plus petite de mes écoles. 200 élèves, dans une école qui pourrait en contenir 600. Les classes à moitié vides. C’était un peu déprimant des fois. C’est dans un coin de la ville reconnu pour son port, donc ils veulent tous devenir pêcheurs, donc ils n’en ont rien à foutre de l’anglais (comme à Causapscal). C’est dans le plus beau coin de Natori mais c’est loin de tout, ça me prenait 25-35 minutes de vélo pour m’y rendre, à un tempo incroyable et sans arrêter aux lumières. De mon bureau, je voyais la plage et les montagnes. En prime, j’étais assis en face de Kita sensei, pis Kita sensei, c’est aussi beau que plusieurs plages pis plusieurs montagnes. Si mon prof de musique au secondaire avait ressemblé à cette femme au lieu de ressembler à un bonhomme Michelin homosexuel (désolé Monsieur Simard) je serais peut-être en train de me servir d’un de mes Grammy pour boire du Saké! Anyway… le niveau d’anglais était assez bas, voire même pitoyable par moment (comme à Causapscal). J’avais un professeur qui sortait probablement de plusieurs dépressions en ligne et un qui est un surfer-snowboarder de 35 ans, 7 pieds le crâne rasé! Trop cool, j’attends juste de me joindre à lui sur les pentes!

Mon principal-adjoint m’a emmené manger du gyutan avec sa femme et ses 2 filles à ma dernière soirée. Du gyutan, c’est de la langue de bœuf, et c’est une spécialité locale… C’est vraiment très bon! Il a payé la facture, une chance parce que ça monte vite une facture dans ce pays… La prochaine fois que j’enseigne à cette école, c’est en février. J’espère bien que la température va remonter, parce qu’en ce moment, fait pas chaud!

Dans 3 jours, on parle de ma nouvelle école… celle qui me fait penser à une version japonaise de Calixa Lavallée!

Ups and downs (and other Mine park randomness)

2008-11-10T20:29:00.004+09:00

Currently sitting at my new school, looking back on yet another crazy weekend. I will probably want a new liver for Christmas.

So I went to Mine Park in Northern Miyagi... Seems pretty relaxed and normal right? Well it’s anything but normal. We spent an hour walking in an old lead mine that was transformed in a ‘theme’ park... We saw: robots, a sake shrine/wine cave, fossils, an Egyptian theme room, a plastic Biosphere and a room where there was a plastic foetus in a ball, with a heartbeat playing louder and louder every second, complete with electric balls of light....It was awesome and weird. Just watch the movie my buddy Will made.
You’ll see what I mean. You have to go on my Facebook profile and click on ‘Videos of P-Y’ under my profile picture. Then click on the video : ’Mine Park or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Fetus’ It's worth every minute of it! (The video got 6 thumbs up from Ebert and Roeper)

Aside from that, we transformed a Chuck Norris movie into a drinking game, I had dinner with a bunch of people that are linked only by Facebook, was dragged into a bar by a crazy woman who took me in a headlock, got in a heated argument with a dude that looks like Kurt Cobain, took a taxi home (alone) feeling very aggravated, went to a Vegalta Sendai game in the most random World Cup stadium ever, built in the middle of nowhere and was attacked by a stray cat.

Now, how the hell did I fit that into 48 hours... I guess it’s talent.

Oh and by the way, Total count: 31 beers, 2 Vodka Red Bull, 0 girlfriend

Don’t look for me next weekend. I’m staying home

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Je suis assis à mon bureau dans ma nouvelle école et je repense à mon weekend de malade. Je vais avoir besoin d’une greffe de foie pour Noël je crois.

Mon weekend à commencé par une soirée de gars dans le Nord. Nous avons écouté un film de Chuck Norris (Invasion : USA) et l’avons rendu intéressant avec des restrictions d’alcooliques. Exemple : chaque mort suspecte = tu bois. Le lendemain, nous sommes allés à Mine Park. C’est une mine désaffectée qui à été transformée en ???
En fait, c’est vraiment n’importe quoi. Ça valait le 800 yens pour entrer. Regardez le film (suivre les indications en anglais en haut)
À part ça je suis aller souper (très agréable) avec des nouveaux amis, gracieuseté Sylvain et Facebook. J’aurais dû retourner chez nous par après… Mais bon, le reste de la soirée à été un F-I-A-S-C-O. Hier, je suis allé voir un autre match de Vegalta Sendai mais c’était à 45 minutes de Sendai, dans le milieu de nulle part. Un stade construit pour la Coupe du Monde.

La fin de semaine prochaine, je m’enferme chez nous

Nikko BABY!

2008-11-04T11:55:00.004+09:00

Shit son!

Japan is a country with a rich history... Man, I pass by stuff that might be older than Canada every day! This past (long weekend) I went to Nikko. Nikko is: ‘a sacred site that stretches back to the middle of the 8th century. <...> the grandeur of Nikko is intended to awe, a display of wealth and power by a family that for 2 ½ centuries was Japan’s arbiter of power’ (Lonely planet). Well me and my crew of fellow JETS, we visited pretty much everything we wanted to visit there. It was beautiful; we saw great waterfalls, visited amazing temples, did yoga with a Buddhist freak, wood carved like champions, took baths naked outside while looking at the lake and the mountain and ate way too much Black Thunder (amongst a lot of other things). I was in the most beautiful place, that sometimes reminded me of Switzerland, sometimes Quebec, with a little touch of paradise. And on top of it, I was with the most amazing group of people...

I want to thank the Jet programme for sending me here with people that I get along with perfectly. We were 8 this weekend, and all of us bring a different dynamic to this group, which makes it... well it makes it entertaining, hilarious, always fun and... just plain perfect. These guys are my friends, my family and I know that when we will all go our different ways in 9 or 21 or 33 months, I will have a great group of friends I can go meet anywhere in the world, at any time, and that we will have amazing stories and experiences that we will remember for the rest of our lives. So to all of you, from Perv Will, to Nelly Furtado, to Ginger spice, to the girl that always calls me an horrible man, to Dan the Man, to the sweet kiwi and the always hilarious Canadian-Finn: Thank you!

Thank you for letting me hang out with you. Thank you for being who you are and for accepting me into your lives, even if I’m the most crazy, stupid, drunk, disrespectful, obnoxious, slow witted French-Canadian guy that you will probably ever meet.

To all of you, Merci and Irasshaimasse!

Love you all.

P.S. : If I ever get a black baby, I will call him John McCain

Memoirs of an immigrant

2008-10-29T14:50:00.003+09:00

Growing up in Montreal-North, it happened a few times that I felt like a visible minority (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Visible_minority wow will you look at that, it’s a term we only use in Canada...). That sentiment was short lived because I was on a bus or whatever but it’s not as if I was a REAL immigrant. Especially with my private school uniform... Anyways, It’s not where I wanted to go.
What I wanted to point out is this:
Here, I am the immigrant. And it’s not like I live in a country where there are enough of us to start opening up our own schools and have our own supermarkets. There will never be a Little-Québec or a Little-Italy in Sendai. N-E-V-E-R. I am a white man in a sea of Japanese people (I heard that 99% of Japanese residents are 100% Japanese.........). Often times, except when I’m with my wonderful Gaijin friends, I am the only white boy in the area. In Natori, we’re like 5, and I know all of us. I’m getting used to all this attention.

Here’s a common situation:

- I’m at the Max-Valu (my supermarket) and I pass by this mom and her 3 year old daughter. I always look so lost at the supermarket it’s not even funny, so I’m in my own world. The mom, she will glance at me (of course, especially if she’s hot) but the daughter, she will stare at me as if I had 6 arms, and she will keep staring until:
A) She runs into something or
B) Her mom will tell her to stop staring at the Gaijin. It’s pretty funny. They seem intrigued to know what a gaijin eats. They look in my basket...

You want other cases? Here you go:

- My (girl) students ask me: ‘How do you prepare your hair, do you curl them every morning (lol)??’ Euuuh, It’s natural baby. 100%. I step out the shower and it dries like this. It’s magic! They tell me I’m really surprisingly good with chopstick!!! I tell them I was probably born with a gift. I kick further then them, I throw harder then them, I can bat a baseball like a champ and I felt like Happy Gilmore at the driving range last week .. It’s actually pretty fun; this attention... it’s something I’ll miss when I get back to Quebec.

BUT, the next guy who follows me to the bathroom, takes the urinal next to me when there are 40 others and stares at my cock, I’ll freakin’ PEE ON HIS LEG.

That is all.

Soccer day in Miyagi

2008-10-23T18:56:00.004+09:00

You might not know this but...
...I used to be a pretty good soccer player.

I was an elite player, a feared player with a reputation that preceded me far outside the island of Montreal. I could play with the best of them, and make the best of them look very bad, from my defensive position. I still can but it’s not the same... Years of violent play, of not being careful, caught up to me. I’ll always play and whenever there is a ball around, I go nuts. Now whoever has seen me play, knows how it goes down: If you see me running towards you, well its either gonna be your legs or my legs, but most probably, it’ll be your legs. And there is a slight possibility that your face might get some, and a 100% chance of me laying over your motionless body, crying face, insulting you and calling you a girl while I’m at it!
I broke more limbs than Uma Thurman in Kill Bill!!
I even broke some poor girl’s leg when I was a pre-teen.
I broke the arm (open fracture, guitar student... sorry man) of one of my friends.
I had a guy come up to me in University, telling me I broke his tibia 3 days before his summer vacation in Italy. You get the point... I hope.

Well I went to a J-League game here, between Vegalta Sendai (our team) and FC Ehime. A beautiful world-class stadium that the Italians used as a practice field in the 2002 World Cup. 25 000 people, beautiful day, drunk as hell. And it got me wondering what if...

What if I did like my best friend Mers and got a scholarship?
What if that stupid motherfucker Marc Mounicot didn’t cut my ass (on a plane, one week before the biggest tournament of my life, real smooth ASSHOLE!) and send me home feeling like a loser?
What if I ended up playing in front of 25 000 people screaming my name in a foreign country?

Maybe that was what I was supposed to do. Everything happens for a reason. I still think Marc Mounicot is a major DOUCHE. Vegalta won 1-0. I’m not missing one more game. They showed us on TV, in the middle of the Japanese hooligans. Most of my students saw me on TV, apparently we were all over the news...
It didn’t take long, I’m a local celebrity... lol
Thanks Chris, beautiful day!

Peep this:

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Le post en français est réduit. Parce que si vous parlez français, vous connaissez probablement tous mes exploits en terme de soccer. Si vous ne les connaissez pas, je vous suggère de lire ce qui est écrit ci-haut…

Je suis allé voir un match de l’équipe locale. On a bu un nombre incalculable de bières et je me suis retrouvé dans la section des supporteurs. Eh bien, apparemment moi et Chris et Jason, on était de tous les bulletins de nouvelles. C’est clair qu’on était tough à manquer. 2 blancs, dont un qui porte un espèce de chapeau de fourrure en forme de grenouille.

Un très très beau stade. 25 000 personnes, construit pour les entraînements de l’équipe italienne qui jouait à Sendai. Le stade Saputo est beau mais le Yurtec stadium est juste fou
! Les clips, c’est un exemple de l’ambiance qui régnait pendant 90 minutes.
Parce qu’ils ont gagné, 1-0.

Jusqu'ici tout va bien

Take me out to the ball game!

2008-10-15T19:22:00.006+09:00

Ok so last time I went to a baseball game, I was in high school or Cégep I think. I really have no passion for baseball, the best memories I have are linked to the fact I started playing soccer while waiting for my brother's baseball games to end... BUT, my friends, America's past time is something else in Japan. I went to a game between the Rakuten Golden Eagles (from Sendai) and the Hokkaido Nihhon-Ham Fighters (!!!) at Kleenex Stadium last week ! First of all, watching a game outside, on a crisp autumn night is really fun! But when you add:

-Japanese girls carrying kegs of beer on their back, kneeling in front of you (yikes) to pour you the golden elixir right in your cup!!

-Crazy Crazy mascots that would make Youppi! look like an intellectual

-Blowing up (phallic shaped) balloons and throwing them in the air in the 8th inning (see video)

-Crazy chants and intense cheering from the 25 000 people crowd

-Being the only white guy in the room and thus, getting my picture taken with people who think I'm a star

My japanese friends I went with had brought a jersey and a cap for me, I looked like a real fan. I even had binoculars. All I was missing was the portable radio... In the end, the Rakuten (Internet company) Golden Eagles got their asses kicked by the Nihhon Ham (Ham company) Fighters. It finished 17-0, 28 hits against 8... Yes my friends, it was a BLOWOUT at Kleenex stadium (HAHA!!)

But it made me realise... baseball can be fun, if we had built a decent stadium, it could have survived in Montreal. Nothing like being outside with friends on a chilly fall night. RIP Expos!

Enjoy the video of the release of the penis-shaped balloons (and how intense that girl in front of me was):

As you can see, I had a BLAST!

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Moi pis le baseball, ça remonte à loin.

J’étais assez jeune quand j’ai commencé à encourager mon frère dans les parcs de la province. À regarder des parents de Montréal-Nord étaler leur grâce et leur classe dans les estrades de magnifiques cités comme : Pointe-du-Lac, Lac-Mégantic et Saint-Donat.

C’est lors d’une de ces nombreuses parties de balle que j’ai découvert le sport qui fut une révélation pour moi : le soccer.

Mais la semaine passée, je suis allé au Miyagi Kleenex Stadium voir un match entre les Rakuten Golden Eagles (de Sendai) et les Hokkaido Nihhon-Ham Fighters. Un match dans un stade ouvert, avec 25 000 personnes, par une tiède soirée d’automne. Et bien, le baseball au Japon, c’est vraiment l’fun! Les raisons :

- Les beer girls qui se promènent avec le baril de bière strappé dans le dos, qui s’agenouillent devant toi pour te verser le précieux nectar dans ton verre.

-Des mascottes qui ferait en sorte que Youppi! à l’air de Denise Bombardier.

-Gonfler de ballons phalliques et les laisser partir à la 8e manche. (voir le vidéo)

- Hot-Dogs et bière remplacés par sushis et edemame.

- Une foule de 25 000 personnes chantant et encourageant les 2 équipes

Mes amis japonais m’avaient emmenés un chandail et une casquette. J’avais l’air du fan ultime. J’avais même des jumelles… il ne me manquait que la radio portable! Score final 17-0 pour les visiteurs!! Les Rakuten (compagnie internet) Golden Eagles n’étaient pas assez forts contre les Nihhon Ham (compagnie de jambon lol) Fighters.

Les Fighters faisaient MOUCHE à chaque tour au bâton au KLEENEX stadium…

lol

Giving thanks

2008-10-14T21:04:00.003+09:00

L’action de grâce a été différente cette année.
Habituellement, c’est une dinde avec ma famille, un autre occasion de boire du bon vin et de manger la soupe de ma mère… (Oooo la soupe de ma mère). Cette année, je suis allé visiter la 3e plus belle chute du Japon (BOF..) et nous sommes allés se faire un imonikai. On fait chauffer de l’eau avec un feu, sur le bord de la rivière, et on se prépare une soupe avec pleins d’ingrédients plus ou moins identifiables. C’est une bonne occasion de boire de la bière avec plein de monde! Ils sont plus ou moins habitués de voir des blancs faire ça, c’est une activité qui n’existe que dans le nord du Japon. J'étais encore une fois le seul représentant masculin, donc, j'étais en charge du feu! Mais nous nous en sommes bien sortis, comme des pros je dirais! C’était dans un croche de la rivière et c’était vraiment très beau.
Après, Eeva nous avait invité chez elle pour le souper, La dinde fut remplacée par des steaks et elle nous a servi des patates pilées et des courges et on a bu du vin… C’est ce genre de journée qui font en sorte que cette expérience est vraiment vraiment le fun. Ce sont de belles journées entre amis, on est au bout du monde, carefree et on parle de nos différences culturelles et on se demande qui restera 2 ans, qui restera plus longtemps…
Ça fait déjà presque 3 mois que je suis ici, c’est fou. J’ai de la misère à le croire, bientôt Noël et la Thaïlande!

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Thnaksgiving is usually celebrated with my family, drinking good wine, eating my mom’s soup and a turkey.
Well ... Thanksgiving was different this year. We boarded Rufus (Issy’s car) and headed for Japan’s 3rd most beautiful waterfall (Meeh). It’s the rest of the day that became special. We went for an imonikai. You go by a river, and start a fire, and cook a potato-miso stew. I was drinking beer with the Angels, talking about life and our future and just having a really fun day outside. It was a beautiful fall day as well, where you can wear a t-shirt with a scarf. The girls could clearly see I was nervous because of my new school I was starting today, and they were pretty patient with me, I was a real pain I think! Then we went to Eeva’s for our Canadian Thanksgiving! We had steaks, mashed potatoes, wine, pumpking-courge and great cake. She really is, the hostess with the mostesssss. My thanks are given to her, for making me feel like I have a family here.
We’re starting to ask ourselves how long we’re gonna stay here. It’s almost been 3 months already! Crazy! Hard to believe, that in 2 months, I’ll be ready to leave for Thailand! Loves it!

Irashaimassse!

Fooled... once again

2008-10-06T08:58:00.003+09:00

Je vais au supermarché avec ma liste hier. Je rentre au MaxValu, à 20h, avec l'intention d'acheter plein de trucs, mais surtout, de la VIANDE. Je suis un carnivore. Je veux de la viande. J'achète du poulet, qui semble mariné dans une sauce intéressante. Je rentre à la maison, heureux de mon achat. Fais cuire le morceau de volaille alléchant. Me prépare à déguster le poulet, remarque que la texture du poulet semble suspecte. J'ai faim, donc je passe outre et je mange....
Sacré tofu, c'est la 2e fois que tu me fais le coup... Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.... C'est quoi la prochaine?

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Went to MaxValu yesterday, had to buy stuff (kabbi Killah, potato thingies...) But mainly, I wanted meat. I felt like I needed that meat you know? So I bought chicken, already marinated. Went back home, happy, whistling on my bike, thinking about how good that chicken will be... MMmmm Mmmmm goooooood! I cook the stuff, set up my table (aka that messy table where my computer is) notice from the corner of my eye how suspicious the texture of the chicken is. I'm straving so, who cares right? Eat the chicken... and then it hit me. This chicken, is tofu pretending to be chicken.... Fuuuuuuuck! If it is tofu, why is it sold next to the chicken? And why, why would someone buy tofu? It's crap. I swear, it's the 2nd time I get fooled, and hopefully the last. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, what's the next one?

tofu...pfff, gimme a break

This is why...... (in video!!!)

2008-09-28T21:06:00.009+09:00

This here, is some videos of why I love this country. This weekend, it was the sports tournament in Natori. All the schools were competing in all the sports. To encourage their school buddies, all the students come to tha gym and sing these ''songs'' (sounds more like a war cry to me). Just check out the videos, 5 minutes of your life... You won't understand. You'd have to be a rock to not be motivated by this.

Singin' to the masses 1:

Singing part 2:

The soccer team:

Oh! That's funny I sing to statues all the time too!! (when I'm drunk):

On our way to the tournament (we won, it was obvious no? With a coach like me):

Victory chant to thank the supporters (ultras):

Tokyo kicks your city's ass .

2008-09-24T14:20:00.008+09:00

Tokyo is the shiznit!

The subway and train map will make most men go insane. And it confirmed something I doubted, Montreal is really really late! Or is it Tokyo who’s very very futuristic? I took a shinkansen (high speed train) and got to Tokyo in 90 minutes. Wayyy better than the 6 hours bus!

Me and the angels, we went out both days and we found the world’s most fucked up bar: Bar Lockup. I got handcuffed to our hostess who lead me to our cell...... Then, we ordered freaky drinks coming in test tubes with syringes and eye balls in them. It was CRAZY! The day after, we took a stroll, stopping at shrines and high-end shops (Gucci, Dior, Vuitton, Armani, Salvatore.... they are all here) before renting a swan-shaped peddler boat thing on a lake! I know, I’m a whore. It was amaaaazing!

It’s hard to describe a city. I’m no Sinatra you know? So you’ll have to visit I guess! Just Shinjuku station is enough to make a grown man cry. I could have rolled up in a corner and died! Speaking of death, I was awoken by an earthquake on Sunday morning. Always a freaky feeling. My 3rd one now!

Anyways, amidst the Tokyo insanity, you can always find small islands of relaxation, hidden in between the theatres and the 5 floor Chanel stores. You really have to see it to believe it! One thing is for sure, my brother should not let his lovely wife go there, because he might lose her forever ;-)

See you soon Tokyo!
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Tokyo, metropolis par excellence!

Un réseau de métro et de train qui vient confirmer tous mes doutes : Montréal à beaucoup de retard. À moins que Tokyo ne soit en avance? Who cares really? Nous avons pris un shinkansen. Le trajet en train prend une heure 30 minutes. En bus : 6 heures!!

J’étais bien entouré…je suis parti avec Eeva, Jill et Isobel, nous sommes sortis dans Shinjuku les deux soirs. Et check this out : nous sommes allés dans un bar qui s’appelle Lockup. Le concept : c’est une prison, on est entrés, je me suis fait menotter à ma serveuse (HAWT DIGGITY!) qui m’a emmené à ma cellule. On a bu des drinks avec des seringues et tout et tout… C’était sick! Le lendemain, on a visité plein de trucs, on a loué un pédalo en forme de cygne(voir facebook)! How romantic! Je n’ai jamais vu autant de magasin de grand luxe. Tout le monde à un magasin ici! Tokyo, c’est une ville étourdissante et fascinante. Je ne peux pas vraiment lui rendre justice. Il faut le visiter. La station de train de Shinjuku, la plus achalandée sur Terre, est indescriptible. C’est assez pour rendre quelqu’un fou! Je pourrais me mettre en boule et mourir. En parlant de mort, j’ai été réveillé par un tremblement de Terre à 7h am dimanche… Toujours spécial. Mais c’est mon 3e là!

Peu importe, malgré la folie et la frénésie tokyoïte, on peut retrouver des coins de sérénité à travers l’insanité. Nous sommes allés visiter des shrines qui étaient très relaxantes et qui sont parsemées au travers des théâtres Kabuki et des boutiques Louis Vuitton de 5 étages. Faut vraiment le voir pour le croire. Une jungle de néons et de gratte-ciels entrecoupée de temples shinto et de parcs magnifiques.

À bientôt Tokyo!!

I'm going going back BACK to Tokyo TOKYO!!!!!

2008-09-19T15:56:00.005+09:00

I'm boarding a shinkansen in 90 minutes with my PY's angels.... I'm going back to Tokyoooooo!
Will let you know how it went!
Sayonara

P-Y!

Sweet sweet Internet

2008-09-17T08:35:00.002+09:00

Je suis finalement connecté sur Internet à la maison…
Je dois avouer que ça fait du bien. Je suis sur fibre optique donc je peux downloader Pulp Fiction en 5 minutes si ça me tente! Et je peux maintenant lire à volonté toutes les nouvelles sur le coup de patin de Latendresse ou sur les performances de Carey Price. Mais surtout, je peux utiliser Skype. Lors des derniers jours, j’ai eu des conversations live avec les gens que j’aime partout autour de la planète. Et ça fait vraiment du bien. La distance est un concept bien futile maintenant car je peux apparaître dans votre salon à n’importe quelle heure.

Au plaisir de vous parler

P-Y

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I finally have my Optic Fibre Internet.
Man is that fast! And I love it. It means a lot of things are back: poker, rds.ca and many other things...lol!
It also means I can now communicate with the people I love! In the past days, I have had live conversations with Skype with many people. I have talked live with Montreal (duh), Okinawa (exotic), Stockholm (missed ya) and Paris (oui oui). And I guess I was waiting for this for a while. It made me feel better. Thank you for being at the end of the line. It’s good to see you all!
I know home is where the heart is but when I talk to you I can’t help but think home should be where YOUR heart is... I know we’re far and that things always change but I always want to go back in time and relive those days we had together. Nothing can change that.
Man it’s about time they invent that time travelling machine, eh?

Tack så mycket

The dark side of Japan

2008-09-10T15:45:00.003+09:00

Natto + Ponyo

Not everything is AMAZING in Japan. I know I know, it doesn’t seem that way if you’ve talked to me in the past weeks. I’m having a great time. I feel good and I’m getting in shape and stuff but you know, there are some suspicious things in the land of the rising sun. Here are two examples… :

Natto:

Natto is fermented soybeans. Yes, it already sounds delicious I know. You are supposed to eat them. They’re freaking everywhere here. Man, there is even Nattomaki and Natto ice cream… They sell Natto in supermarkets, in little white unnamed boxes, so there could be Natto in your fridge and you wouldn’t know it. And then one day, you’re like: ‘Well my fridge is empty and I don’t feel like going to the supermarket… Oh look, a little white box in the corner of my fridge, I wonder what it is? It has to be tasty, we’re in Japan…’ you take the box, open it and WHAAAAAAAAAAM! It hits you! It stinks SO BAD that it could kill a medium sized Golden retriever. WOW Just fuc*king wow! You have to read the story on Wikipedia on how they first decided to eat that… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Natto .
Did you read it? They used to feed that shit to the horses maaaaan! The horses!! Well they made me try it some days ago and I’d rather have all the stuff that it’s supposed to prevent than to put that stuff in my mouth again. Give me blood clots, heart attacks, pulmonary embolism… Give me all that at the same time! I’m never ever ever ever touching Natto again, not even with a 10-foot pole. I feel sick just writing about the damned thing.

Ponyo:

Ponyo attacks another one of the five senses: hearing. Basically, Ponyo is a dumb movie about a fish (possibly a gold fish) that runs away from home gets stranded somewhere and gets rescued by a boy… bla bla bla. If it interests you: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ponyo_on_a_Cliff . My problem is not with Ponyo itself. I mean, to me Ponyo is just another annoying animation movie. NO! My problem is with the song… I open the TV, I hear : ‘Ponyo Ponyo Ponyo Sakana no ko’. I go to Daniel’s school festival, the brass band plays the Ponyo song! I’m on the train, this hot chick has a Ponyo ringtone. Supermarket: Ponyo song. It’s everywhere!! It’s even in my dreams at night… and in my head during the day. I call all the students Ponyo! I’m not sure that I’m gonna get thru this folks... Ponyo might win the battle. And I wonder what’s worse actually: Ponyo or the fact that you can’t spell Ponyo... without PY.

To listen to the Ponyo song (you have been warned): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ez67yfbZwl8
I told some people that, on the annoying scale, it's higher than the ketchup song, the crazy frog and the macarena all mixed together.
Enjoy,
PonYo

Not a VIRGIN anymore!!!!

2008-09-05T14:17:00.007+09:00

Oui, c’est finalement arrivé!

Ça faisait longtemps que j’attendais ce moment… On a bu quelques bières et c’est juste… arrivé!

Je suis content que ma première fois ait été une petite, pas une énorme. C’était vraiment le fun comme feeling, complètement différent. Ça n’a pas duré longtemps mais OH BOY, c’était bon!

Au début, je ne réalisais pas ce qui m’arrivait… Je me disais dans ma tête : ‘Wow, c’est vraiment en train de m’arriver… Ma première fois! Il paraît que je vais m’en rappeler toute ma vie…’. C’étais assez excitant!
Ça fait assez longtemps que j’en parle, ça devait arriver tôt ou tard. Je suis pas mal satisfait, je m’en suis assez bien sorti. J’en tremble encore!

Quand ce fut terminé, je me suis levé, et j’ai envoyé des messages textes à mes amis! Maintenant que la glace est brisée, je peux le refaire souvent, il paraît que beaucoup de soirées se terminent comme ça ici.

Incroyable… c’est le seul commentaire que j’ai à faire à propos de mon premier ………………………tremblement de terre!!

hahaha

Mais à quoi pensiez-vous?
Bande de perverts

P-Y

;-)

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Yes, it finally happened! I’ve been expecting it for a while now.

We had some beers and then it just… happened. I’m happy that my first time was a small one, not a HUGE one! It was such a special feeling, unlike anything I’ve felt before. Oh it didn’t last long, but it was good!

;-)

At first, I didn’t realize what was happening… I was thinking to myself : ‘This is it! It’s really happening’. I was overwhelmed. It was very exciting.

I’ve been talking about it for so long now, it was bound to happen sooner or later.I feel pretty good about it, it’s like I’m still shaking inside…
I was pretty proud, I got thru it like a champ! I sent text messages to a lot of my friends after!Now that I broke the ice, I don’t mind having a lot of it. Apparently it happens often here!!

Man, I’ll never forget my first……………................... earthquake!!
lol

ps: you pervs… what did you think I was talking about?

Work-Work-Work-Sleep-Drink-Work REPEAT

2008-09-02T15:50:00.002+09:00

Donc je travaille des heures de japonais... Je commence vers 7 :30 et je quitte habituellement vers 18 :00. J’ai parlé à beaucoup de mes collègues ALTs et je suis un de ceux qui travaillent le plus fort. J’ai 22 cours à donner cette semaine et ils ont coupé une période pour aider les jeunes à préparer le festival. Je me trouve pas mal discipliné et je suis plutôt fier de moi. Mais je me demande si toutes ces heures ne me dirigeront pas vers un éventuel état d’épuisement… Bof, on traversera le pont (en espérant qu’il n’y ait pas de clown dessus) quand on sera rendu à la rivière, right? Et bien hier, il m’est arrivé quelque chose d’assez impressionnant, qui rend toutes ces heures supplémentaires superflues… :

Ça fait donc deux semaines que j’aide 4 jeunes filles à se préparer pour un speech contest entre les 4 Junior High Schools de Natori. Je n’ai jamais assisté à un speech contest mais je me suis basé sur la grille pour perfectionner le tout. Donc j’ai travaillé la prononciation, la mémorisation et j’ai incorporé quelques gestes. Je n’étais pas convaincu de nos chances de faire bonne figure parce que Daniel (l’autre ALT de Natori) me disait que les jeunes de son école était assez impressionnants. En plus, il avait l’avantage du terrain car le concours était à son école (Nicchu). J’avais un cours donc je ne pouvais pas assister au concours. J’ai écouté les filles une dernière fois et je les eu ai dit : ‘Gambatte kudasai’ (Bonne chance) ‘I believe in you') et ‘Otsukaresamadeshta’ (Bon travail). Donc après l’école, j’étais à ma deuxième job (assistant coach de l’équipe de soccer) et je suis en train de me dire que je suis trop vieux pour courir avec des jeunes de 12-13-14-15 ans, je vois les filles, des parents, deux profs d’anglais se diriger vers moi. Ma première pensée fut : ‘Bon j’ai fait quelque chose de mal et je me fais déporter’. Je cherchais donc le moyen de fuir rapidement et je me demandais quelle identité utiliser cette fois-ci (Max Power, Mr. Tempura ou bien Bouc McSay). Mais NON! Elles venaient m’annoncer, toutes souriantes, qu’elles avaient écrasé la compétition et qu’elles participeraient donc à la prochaine étape. Le directeur de l’école montre les plaques à tout le monde et tout le monde me remercie. Je ressens quelque chose que je n’ai jamais senti de ma vie (possiblement de l’accomplissement) et je crois qu’hier, j’ai vu pour la première fois tout l’impact que je peux avoir sur ces jeunes. J’ai dormi avec le sourire…
Bonne nuit.

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So I’ve been working like a Japanese. By that I mean that I get up and I’m at my desk at 7:30 in the morning and I rarely leave before 18:00... I haven’t spoken to anyone who gives more classes than I do. I’m giving 22 this week, and they took a class out of the schedule because of the upcoming school festival. Heck, I’m working hard which, if you know me, is rather surprising. I have a lot of discipline and I’m pretty proud of myself. BUT, if I wanted a crazy life of long shifts, I would have followed my amazing brother’s footsteps, right? Well I don’t know. I expected this but I’m not sure I expected to give 4-5-6 classes a day. But something happened yesterday which made this all worthwhile:

I was practicing with 4 girls for a speech contest between Natori’s 4 Junior high schools. Well I have never ever seen a speech contest so I just worked on pronunciation and memorisation and whatever else was on that grid. I’m serious when I say that I wasn’t too convinced about their performance because Daniel (my Natori ALT partner) was doing the same thing with his kids in his school and he kept telling me that his kids rocked. And he had home field advantage because the contest was held at his school (Nicchu). I had a class so I couldn’t even go but I helped the girls in the morning and told them: ‘I believe in you’ ‘You are going to kick ass’ and ‘Otsukaresamadeshta’ (Good work). So yesterday, I’m working my second job (assistant-coach of the soccer team) and I see the girls and some parents and a couple teachers coming towards me... My first thought was: ‘Oh snap, I did something bad and I’m getting deported’. I was trying to find the nearest escape route and thinking about which disguise I would choose for my newest fugitive adventure (Bat-O-Man... Homeless-O-Man.... or the ever popular Ambiguous Wo-Man) but NO! They were super happy and they crushed the competition! Now, they have to go and participate in the Sendai Area speech contest... I was feeling something I’ve never felt before (may be pride but still has to be confirmed). The principal was stoked, he showed off the plaques to everyone and they kept thanking me... I guess that yesterday, I felt for the first time what being a teacher can be like and let me tell you, it pretty much kicks ass...
Good night!

Observations...

2008-08-27T12:29:00.000+09:00

1 : The question is not : ‘Will I get hit by a car’ but rather : ‘When will I get hit by a car’…

Man!! these cars driving on the wrong side of the roads are freaking me out. And the driver is on the other side... What is up with that! I’m there on my bike and I look right, left and behind me, I’m going insane. It doesn’t help that I add to the difficulty by having French electro-pop cranked up in my Ipod!

2: Riding a bike with an umbrella is an art, an important skill in Japan and a good way to make sure I get hit by a car soon.

Look, I ain’t gonna lie. It’s raining some days. And I have to ride my bike for the next year or so. And everyone else is doing it here, so I’m doing it too dammit! I have a mountain bike (thank you Bill, it is the nicest bike in town!) and I ride to school. I have a school bag, a soccer bag, an umbrella and an Ipod in my neck. I’m probably violating 15 japanese laws at once but it’s a risk I have to take.

3: Wearing a funny (often misspelled) t-shirt is ok here.

Would you walk around town with a t-shirt that says ‘First blow job’ or ‘bet you can’t even sail’ or ‘What want now! When it want!’ or ‘Dojo master plan fan’ or ‘Rock guyz you’?? Well over here it’s ok. And next weekend I have a party at Eeva’s where we have to wear one of those damned stupid t-shirts. We call this amazing English: Engrish... They have a lot of difficulty with the letter L here. Anyways, I think I found my t-shirt. That party will just be GOLD!

4: I will probably get told I’m good with chopsticks 1,000,000,000,000 times.

Heck I heard it too many times already. Sometimes, I feel like sticking one in my eyes just to entertain them.

Sad fact, Japan imports 50% of the hard wood on the planet, mostly to produce chopsticks! 130 000 000 pairs of chopsticks A DAY are used over her. CRAZY!

1- ‘Est-ce que je me ferai frapper par une auto’ n’est pas la question… C’est plutôt : ‘Quand-est-ce que je me ferai frapper par une auto’

Les autos roulent du mauvais côté, le chauffeur est aussi de l’autre côté!! Je suis sur mon vélo et je regarde à gauche, à droite, derrière… Je vais devenir fou. Tellement stressant! Faut avouer que je ne m’aide pas: j’écoute du gros Daft Punk pis du Yelle dans mon IPod en même temps.

2- Conduire un vélo avec un parapluie est un art au Japon, quelque chose d’important à maîtriser et une bonne façon de m’assurer que je vais me faire frapper par une auto bientôt!

Je ne vais pas vous mentir, il pleut des fois! Et le vélo est mon moyen de transport principal, juste devant le train. Tout le monde conduit son vélo avec un parapluie donc je vais le faire moi aussi (J’ai même vu une petite de 12 ans conduire son vélo pendant une averse en parlant au téléphone… )!! J’ai un gros vélo de montagne, un sac à dos, un sac de soccer, un parapluie et un IPod dans mon cou… Je brise peut-être 15 lois en même temps mais bon, au pire je me fais déporter et on passe Noël à Sainte-Flavie ou à Chibougameau!! (Ou à Maisonneuve-Rosemont……)

3- Porter un t-shirt mal épelé ou vraiment ridicule ici, c’est correct!

Moi dans le 514, je me promènerais pas avec un t-shirt qui dit ‘First blow job’ ou ‘bet you can’t even sail’ ou ‘Want want now, when it want’ ou… you get the point. Ici, c’est encouragé, mon amie Eeva organise même un party ce week-end où l’on doit porter un de ces t-shirt. C’est aussi un Purple Jesus party, c'est-à-dire que l’on emmène tout l’alcool qui traîne dans nos appart, on le mix dans un bol géant avec du jus et on se saoule jusqu’à ce qu’on puisse marcher sur l’eau… ou mieux encore, jusqu’à ce que je puisse changer l’eau en vin.

4- Je vais probablement me faire dire 100 millions de fois que je suis bon avec des baguettes.

Je l’ai entendu trop souvent déjà… Des fois, j’ai le goût de m’en enfiler un dans l’œil pour les satisfaire!

Pour terminer sur une bonne note… le Japon importe 50% du bois franc de la planète. La majeure partie de ce bois est utilisée afin de produire les 130 millions de paires de baguettes utilisées quotidiennement. C’est vraiment déguelasse. Mais moi je fais ma part grâce à mon frère et ma belle-sœur, j’ai les baguettes réutilisables les plus fresh de tout le Tohoku!

School!

2008-08-24T20:44:00.002+09:00

L'école.... Je ne sais pas par où commencer.
J'ai vraiment frappe le JACKPOT. Les profs sont tellement gentils, je leur ai donnes des biscuits a l'érable et ils viennent tous me parler, me demandent plein de trucs, s'intéressent à ma vie et au Québec. Il y en a même un qui me donne des tests de japonais à chaque jour et qui m'apprends des nouveaux mots (j'apprends finalement mes Hiragana et Katakana). Mon kocho-sensei (le directeur de l'école) est le gars le plus incroyable sur Terre. Je lui ai refilé du cidre de glace et l'autre fois, il est venu s'asseoir avec moi pendant une heure et m'a montré comment faire des lions en origami. Mon bureau ressemble au Parc Safari! Incroyable...

Les élèves... Ils m'aiment bien. Je joue au soccer avec eux 2-3 heures par jour et je crois qu'ils respectent ca. Je suis tombé sur la meilleure équipe de soccer de ma région donc ils sont sérieux. Le coach crie, ils écoutent. Ils sont tellement bons!! J'ai même couru un marathon avec eux l'autre matin (pas un marathon officiel mais bon... J'ai encore mal!) ce qu'aucun autre prof ne ferait JAMAIS. D'ailleurs je crois que les profs sont bien impressionnés!
Dès que tu croises un élève, ils te bow et te disent Ohayou Gozaimaaaaaaaas ou Konnichiwa et je réponds Morning! ou Whaaaaaaaatzaaaaaaaap ou WORD! Les petites filles me courent après et me disent que je suis cute et cool. C’est peut-être mon sac à dos Hello Kitty. lol. Je suis très différent de l'autre ALT que je remplace... La prof qui s'occupe du kendo veut absolument que j'essaie mais ça vraiment l'air intense. Je vais me laisser tenter surement.
C'est le fun travailler dans une école mais je ne suis pas certain que je serais capable au Québec. Le respect qu'ils ont pour leur sensei est qqchose de vraiment spécial. Qqchose qui n'existe malheureusement plus au Québec je crois.
Anyway... tout va bien maintenant.
Jusqu'ici!
Je pense à vous
PY

Icchu Junior High school is a very nice school!

I really hit the Jackpot. Teachers are amazing, I gave them maple flavoured cookies and the come and talk to me all the time. They ask me stuff about my life and about Québec. There is even this one dude who gives me Japanese tests and shows me new words. Finally learning katakana and hiragana. My kocho-sensei (the principal of my school) is the most amazing man. He sat down with me for an hour and showed me how to do lions in origami. My desk looks like a zoo. Maybe Brooklyn zoo. Or Ahuntsic zoo. Just amazing...

The kids are all impressed and they seem to like me. I play soccer with them 2-3 hours a day and they don’t understand where I learned to play like that. I’m lucky, this school has the best soccer team in Miyagi or something like that. It’s serious. Reminds me of my good years. Screaming coaches, push-ups in the rain. 6 hour of soccer on a day off. Really takes me back. I even ran a “marathon” with them (I almost threw up and they did another one a couple hours later) Freaks I tell ya! When you meet them in the halls, they bow and say “Ohayou Gozaimas” or “Konnichiwa” and I answer Morning or Waaaaazaaaaaap or WORD! The girls run after me and tell me I’m cute and cool... It might be my Hello-Kitty backpack. The kendo teacher wants me to join her for a kendo class... It looks pretty intense but I’m tempted. It’s fun to be a sensei but I wonder if I could do it back home. The respect they have for their teachers is something that is LONG GONE in Montreal. I think...
Anyways, All is good now!

P-Y xox

Matsushima

2008-08-23T15:14:00.001+09:00

Last weekend,　Ｉ　went with the girls to Matsushima．I was with Eeva (finnish girl from Toronto) and our british pal Isobel (I call her Lily Allen). Matsushima was named (from what I understand) after Mats Sundin when he decide to join the habs in 2008 (That or his moms love for sushi... I don't remember). Anyways... The Japanese people, they are crazy about top 3's : Top 3 Mountains, Top 3 buildings, top 3 shopping centres, top 3 ways to kill a whale... You get the point. Well Matsushima is apparently in the top 3 scenic spots in Japan. Welllll, when we were there, it looked like one of the 3 wettest places on Earth. Freakin' typhoon. Rained all day. BUT we still had a blast. On our way there, we studied our Lonely Planet japanese phrasebook. You know me, I was looking for the most random thing. So that's how I learned to say this : Gei no denwa sodan ga arimasu ka? (Is there a gay telephone hotline!!) A sentence I repeated a gazillion times all day. We visited temples and shrines and took pics of Buddhas with some shower caps on.　And when we were waiting for the fireworks, the girls took pictures with chocolate covered bananas (to be added on Facebook soon) which reminded me of a Montreal-North gang initiation．．．．．　Then amazing fireworks then train, then sleep, then first week at school.

I will tell you all about it tomorrow.

P-Y

La semaine passee je suis alle a Matsushima avec les filles. J'etais avec Eeva (une finlandaise de Toronto) et notre amie british Isobel. D'apres ce que j'ai compris, Matsushima a ete nomme en l'honneur du contrat record que Mats Sundin a signe avec le bleu-blanc-rouge. Les japonais, ils trippent sur les tops 3... Top 3 montagnes, volcans, top 3 facons de tuer des baleines, top 3 facon de porter des mini-jupes... Anyway. Matsushima est une des trois plus belles places du Japon (et c'est a 30 minutes de chez moi) mais quand nous sommes alles, c'etait plus une des 3 places les plus mouillees sur Terre. Maudit typhon. Mais c'etait tellement le fun... En chemin j'ai appris comment dire: Est ce le numero de la ligne telephonique homosexuelle (apprend le Alexandre Dube) Gei no denwa sodan ga arimasu ka?.... On a visite des temples et on a pris des photos de buddha trop cool avec des bonnets de bain. En attendant les feux d'artifice, les filles ont mange des bananes trempees dans le chocolat et on a pris des photos (checkez facebook). Ca ressemblait a une initiation de gang de rue. Apres, feux, train et dodo! J'ai commence a travailler a l'ecole et c'est juste trop parfait. Je vous raconte ca dans le prochain!

a+
P-Y

Cricket 1 - PY 0

2008-08-18T11:01:00.000+09:00

Not the sport stupid... The actual bug.

Today was my first day of school and I was (kinda, sorta, alotta) nervous. I went to bed at 10:30 to make sure I looked ok today. Well, I wasn’t thinking that a cricket would decide to audition for American Idol next to my window. After considering many options (napalm, boiling water, sticking a pen thru my eardrum), I decided that the cricket was the victor. He finally shut up at half past midnight (spending too much time with Brits)... only to be replaced by a barking dog. When I think about it, maybe the dog ate the cricket, and maybe the dingo ate your baby. Anyway, I just downed a couple Tylenol and eventually fell asleep watching a replay of an Olympic grass hockey game on my terebi (TV). BTW, New Zealand grass hockey team = hottest girls ever.
But the day at school was perfect. The eel they prepared for me at lunch was oichii (delicious) and I got to speak to my friends in Québec on MSN Messenger. All is better now.

Next time, I’ll tell you about my trip to Matsushima and about school (students, teachers and all).
See ya!
P to tha Y

Pas le sport. L’insecte.

Aujourd’hui c’était ma première journée à l’école et hier soir, j’étais assez fébrile. Je me suis couché à 10:30 afin d’avoir l’air d’un sensei respectable aujourd’hui. C’était sans compter sur un criquet qui avait décidé d’auditionner pour Star Académie sous ma fenêtre. Après avoir considéré plusieurs options (l’agent orange, un stylo à travers mes tympans), j’ai déclaré que le criquet était victorieux. Il a finalement abdiqué à minuit trente... Pour être remplacé par un chien aboyant allégrement. Maintenant que j’y pense, peut-être que le chien à mangé le criquet (avec des fèves au beurre). Finalement, je me suis enfilé 2 tylenols extra-fortes et je me suis endormi en regardant une reprise de hockey sur gazon Olympique. En passant, les filles de la Nouvelle-Zélande sont pas mal plus cutes que Gino Odjick.

Bref, la journée à l’école secondaire Icchu s’est bien déroulée. L’anguille que l’on m’à servi pour dîner était délicieuse (et non-électrifiée). En prime, j’ai parlé avec les gens aux Iles de la Madeleine sur MSN. Tout va bien maintenant!

La prochaine fois, je vous raconte Matsushima et mon école!
A Plus.

P-Y

Choc culturel

2008-08-13T21:39:00.001+09:00

Ils m'avaient pourtant prevenu, le choc culturel peut etre a la fois tres agreable et tres desagreable... La, j'ai comme frappe un mur:
Je reviens d'un 3 jours d'orientation dans un trou perdu ou l'on nous obligeait a etre couche a 23 h. Je me suis fait une entorse a la cheville la premiere journee en jouant au soccer (saoul + nu pieds dans un gym = desastre). Je commence a etre pas mal frustre de ne pas avoir Internet a la maison. J'ai le gout d'appeler Ben, Jee, Ida, la gang sur Viau et Mers, d'aller jouer au poker et d'aller au Saint-Sulpice. Composer le 514-830-1047 n'est apparemment pas une option. Je suis tellement tight avec mes amis, partir a 10 095 kilometres de chez moi ne semble pas logique. Me faire servir du poisson pour dejeuner, ca non plus ca n'a pas aide! Les premieres fois ou l'on me parlait et je ne comprenais rien, c'etait drole. La, c'est un peu chiant...

Faut avouer que j'ai fait le con. Je savais que j'allais me detruire la cheville. Avec la consequence que j'allais passer 2 jours a marcher comme un idiot et a mettre de la glace et a regarder mes compagnons se faire du fun pendant que je souffre. En plus, j'ecoute des chansons qui me font penser a des gens qui sont loin:　http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=_dNnLN1JaLI　(Je ne vous dirai tout de meme pas a qui ca me fait penser, faut le deduire)

Anyway, ca va passer. Vous me connaisez, un moral de fer. Je vais aller a la plage. Je vais aller magasiner et me saouler avec mes Anglaises. C'est agreable, j'ai toujours eu un faible pour les accents. Faut pas s'en faire, j'ai un support group! lol
Mais n'hesitez pas a m'envoyer des mots d'encouragement!
A bientot!

PY

Ps: faire des emeutes proche de chez ma maman et de chez ma tante, c'est pas cool. Vraiment.Pps: Canada + Olympique = honte sur ma tete

They told me 48 times about the steps of culture shock. I'm now in the step where you feel a bit down. Here's all the reasons why:

I just got back from a 3 day orientation in the middle of nowhere where we had a 11pm curfew (26 years old and a curfew, how lame). On the first day, I sprained my ankle (PY drunk + barefoot soccer in a gym = recipe for disaster). I'm starting to be pissed off about not having Internet at home. I feel like calling Ida and my friends but it's not an option. I'm so close to my friends that going 10 095 km away from home seems quite illogical. Getting served fish in the morning at the orientation didn't help either. The first times people talked to me and I didn't understand anything was funny, now it's just aggravating.

I'm not helping myself either. I know I have weak ankles. I knew I was going to get hurt and that I would be limping and icing myself while people are having fun. But after 6 tall Asahis, you think you're invincible.
I'll be allright. I'm going to go shopping with the gals and get crunk. I'm also going to the beach again. Don't worry for me, I have a support group!
But you can still send me some support, it's always appreciated!

Talk to you soon,
Your friendly neighbourhood sPYderman

Ps: Canada is doing so good at the Olympics, I'm now cheerieng for Trinidad and Tobago, Sweden and NIPPON

Mailbag, answering your questions since 1982

2008-08-08T14:22:00.000+09:00

Work? Starts soon, visited my school and met the JTEs (Japanese teacher of English) yesterday. Start on the 18th, classes start on the 26th

Food? Haven't had one bad meal yet. Having trouble slurping the ramen. Tasted the local specialty yesterday (fried cow tongue)... it was allright. Better well done than rare

Music? Awww crap. J-Pop suckkkks. I bought a Daft Punk live cd to prevent going insane.

TV? Lots of baseball (the squeeze is big here) and some crazy, hilarious, cruel shows that I understand more or less

Girls? Hot, they all look super young... Too many of them dress like hookers. Wasn't expecting that. Damned Britneys and Lindsays (Love you Lindsay)!

Guys? lol!! Check this out. http://a4.vox.com/6a00d41432f284685e00f48d073d140001-320pi That's how some of them dress here. It's a mix of the 80's and the future. Imagine a japanese David Bowie who had sex with the chick from the Jetsons... lol

Why can't you comment my blog posts...? I really don't know. I think you have to register. Some people can, I guess if my dad found out how, you can do it too! lol

Anyways, keep asking me stuff, send your questions @ pylebon@hotmail.com

Sayonara

L'adaptation...

2008-08-08T13:57:00.001+09:00

... est un processus qui est toujours plus facile quand quelqu'un est la pour t'aider. Dans mon cas, l'aide est venue d'un quebecois et de sa fabuleuse femme vietnamienne. Ensemble, ils m'ont aide a identifier qq trucs dans mon appart, installer Internet (plus que 10 jours avant de pouvoir etre connecte dans mon appart), ils m'ont traine a Sendai (3 all you can drink en 1 semaine), m'ont habille en suit traditionnel et m'ont emmenes a l'ouverture du festival de Tanabata. Crime, ils m'ont meme presente une femme!
Leur aide est inestimable et tres appreciee! J'imagine que c'est le karma. Toutes les madames a qui j'ai laisse ma place dans le metro... Anyway, si c'etait pas pour eux autres, je serais probablement en train de pleurer dans un coin de mon appart!
Funny story... ce matin, 5 h, je me reveille avec un vacarme dans ma cuisine. Premier reflexe (MTL-NORD!), je pogne un objet contondant (beeen, une fan) et je surgis dans la cuisine pour decouvrir un criss de pigeon qui fout le bordel et qui panique. J'ai gosse pendant 35 minutes pour le foutre dehors. J'aurais pu le tuer (et le cuire, avec des feves au beurre) mais non! Good karma still on my side BAYBAY!
Alors voila. A bientot!

Adaptation is always easier　when someone lands you a hand. In my case, the help came from a quebecer (Sylvain Bouchard!) and his lovely vietnamese wife (Man, bonne fete once again ero baba lol!). Together, they showed me how stuff worked around my place, took me out in Sendai (3 all you can drink in a week!!), dressed me up in traditionnal clothes and brought me to the opening fireworks of the Tanabata festival (90 minutes fireworks, take take Benson and Hedges).
Their help is priceless and very much appreciated. I guess it's karma. That's what I get for letting all these women sit at my place on the subway! I must have been good to someone sometime, because if it wasn't for them, I'd be crying in a corner..
About my place. At 5 am I woke up because of a whole lot of noise in my kitchen. Being from the ghetto, I picked up a weapon (a fan) and jumped in the kitchen to find a crazy ass pigeon going nuts and trying to re-arrange my spot.. Took me 35 minutes to show him a way out. I could have killed and cooked the damned thing but NO!
That's karma still on my side.
Protect the pigeons!
Peace

Home sweet home

2008-07-31T20:26:00.000+09:00

Directement de Natori-shi, mon nouveau chez-moi
Dans un cafe Internet.
Je suis arrive hier soir avec l'australien qui s'etablit ici avec moi, Daniel (Daniel-san a Miyagi). Ils nous ont depose dans nos apparts respectifs pour 20 minutes et ensuite, nous sommes alles dans un resto traditionnel japonais. Nous attendaient en ces lieux: la depute du district, le superintendant du ministere de l'education et autres dignitaires. Nous avons eu droit au traitement royal, avec sake, biere a profusion et la meilleure bouffe japonaise que j'ai eu le plaisir de gouter en 26 ans de carriere.
Aujourd'hui, alien card, ouverture de compte et epicerie......
Ouin l'epicerie... ca va etre toute une aventure en tout cas. Ma mayo vient dans un pot en forme d'etoile, avec un chien de l'espace sur l'etiquette.　J'etais pas mal certain que j'achetais du lait de chien spatial.　C'est clair que je dois apprendre plus de japonais dans un futur tres rapproche．Deception dans le cas du lait, ca goute le ble d'inde. Notre superviseure, Azaiwa-san, est une jolie japonaise de 24 ans. On va garder ca professionnel!
Je ne suis pas ici depuis assez longtemps pour vous donner une bonne impression de ma ville. C'est superbe, plein de jeunes, avec des arbres partout. Sendai, la plus grosse ville du Tohoku, est la ville voisine et signifie ''ville des arbres''.　Ma derniere soiree a Tokyo, je suis alle a l'ambassade canadienne (pas fort, lire version anglaise pour plus d'infos) avant d'aller rejoindre mon predecesseur, Bill, un geant de Brisbane. Il m'a amene dans la partie de Tokyo ou l'on ne doit pas aller (mon idee!!). Imaginez Times square remplit de gens suspect, vraiment suspects.... Anyway, il m'a donne toutes les infos que je devais savoir. Vraiment un bon gars. Je dois aller me coucher, je devrais avoir Internet bientot, on se reparle de mon appart!

下知事「伊丹廃止も検討を」　（ca veut rien dire, mon clavier a saute sa coche)

Str8 from Natori-shi, my new home

Got here 30 hrs ago, with my aussie partner Daniel (a Daniel-san in Miyagi, kinda funny). They dropped us off at our appartments for 20 mins before bringing us to a traditionnal restaurant in town, where we got crunk with some important people. BEST. FOOD. EVER.
Today, we did our alien registration card, went grocery shopping and opened an account at 77bank.
About the groceries. Everyone said it would be all right, mayo looks like mayo anywhere... NOT!! My mayo comes in a star shaped package, with a space-dog on it. Heck, i was pretty sure that was some of that space-dog butter that they told us about in elementary.
Haven't been here long enough to tell you about my city. Looks beautiful, lots of young people and tree-lined streets.
My last night out in Tokyo, I went to the Canadian embassy. Get this...4th basement, table hockey, boneless chicken wings and ''canadian'' pilsner that none of us heard about before. SUPER LAME.　They only gave us a speech about not doing drugs (yeah ok... I get it, it's only the 97th time I've been told) and I fell asleep in the Oscar Peterson theatre after that. Being an ambassador is now waaaaaaay down on my list of dream jobs.
Anyways, after, I met up with my predecessor, Bill, a giant from Brisbane. I took me to the shady part of Tokyo (my idea!!) Imagine Times square full of Yakuzas and rastas.
Anyways, I have to go, tomorrow I'm getting my new keitai (cell phone) and you know it'll be nicer than yours (HAHA!)
I'll give you the number so you can holla at your boy!

Gone baby gone

2008-07-28T16:46:00.000+09:00

Ohayo Gozaimas!
Et voilà, après plusieurs mois de préparation, plusieurs semaines de stress et quelques partys, je suis (enfin) arrivé. Je me retrouve maintenant à Tokyo, Shinjuku pour être plus précis, dans une ville qui n'a rien à envier aux autres grandes capitales. Tokyo, c'est un hybride de New York, de Vegas et de Bangkok, mais sur les stéréoides et l'acide. Je marchais dans les rues hier soir, en combattant le jetlag et l'excitation et mes amis me disait que j'avais l'air d'un enfant. J'étais vraiment dans un état second.
C'est le début d'une aventure, de quelque chose de très spécial. Des dizaines de personnes m'ont dit: ''On est fiers de toi''. Je le suis moi aussi, et j'espère vraiment que j'aurai la chance de vous promener dans les rues de Tokyo un jour. C'est un party pour les sens. C'est aussi, sur plusieurs aspects, le premier jour du reste de ma vie.
J'espère que vous allez aimer me lire, enjoy the ride.

I'm finally here, after weeks of stress, party and getting ready... Tokyo, Shinjuku to be precise, looks like nowhere else in the world. It's a mix of NY, Vegas and Bangkok, but on steroids and acid. I was walking in the streets yesterday, to fight jetlag and my irregular heartbeat, and my friends said I looked like a kid in a toystore. All your senses are tingling. It's something super special.
It's a new chapter for me. A lot of people told me they were proud of me. Well I am too! I just hope I'll have the privilege to show some of you around this place, because it's really really something else. This might be the first day of the rest of my life, so I'm happy (genki, in japanese) to share this with you.
I hope you'll enjoy reading me.
Sayonara

P-Y