So I’ve been back in Japan for more than a week now, after two weeks in paradise. (wait let me check the definition of Paradise in the P-Y dictionary… Paradise: land of perfection where you can eat cheap lobsters and prawns and steaks and drink like a madman for a fraction of what you would pay in another land. Additional perks include: 1- Girls walking around in bikinis and sporting actual breasts 2- Perfect weather and absence of rain for the whole duration of the trip 3- Six hour long happy hours 4- Cheap medication 5- Friendly people with nice teeth)
Yep! That’s the word. I’m back after two weeks in paradise. It was always warm and nice. Upon my return, my body didn’t get too long of an adaptation, it’s still between 5 and 9 degrees when I wake up in the morning. After heating for an hour or so, it’s usually 12 degrees but as soon as the heater stops, I lose a degree every 15 minutes.
Falling asleep in this kind of situation is an art, just like juggling. I start the electric bar heater in my bedroom and shut the door while I use the computer in the other room that is being heated by the kerosene heater. I boil water and shove a hot water bottle (shaped like a panda) in my bed sheets to warm up the bed. I return to the kerosene room to make sure the kerosene numbs my brain. I drink a tall whiskey-water to numb the rest of my body and then I shut the lights, brush my teeth and run to the bedroom. Now, the bedroom is warm but the electric bar heater makes the air super-dry. So I down a bottle of water, shut the heater and jump into bed. I basically make love to the hot-water bottle that is shaped like a panda and fall asleep pretty fast helped by the perfect balance of cold-hot-dry-moist. Voilà! That’s how you fall asleep in extreme situations.
Ok so... I always wake up crying two hours later, cursing this country and the bad insulation and lack of central heating but you know, at least I sleep well for two hours. I know it’s a free apartment and a secure job, but there is no way in hell I’m going to live through this one more year. So long Japan, next stop : ____________ .